A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

We have just moved into our IQ sphere in the Sage’s Golden Path Retreat. The IQ sphere, which governs the years 14 to 21, is where you begin the journey into the wounding patterns that were laid down in your childhood. The journey through this next part of the Venus sequence is a reverse trip through the first 21 years of your life, and you start here, in the IQ.

This sphere is such a catalyst for breakthrough, but before I start to dive into it again (this is my third time through the Golden Path), I plan to spend some time revelling in the Sage word and line for the Gene Key I have here … Gene Key 12.2, the Shadow of Vanity, the Gift of Discrimination, and the Siddhi of Purity.

Because my Sage word and line are exquisite, delicious and really rather wondrous, and I would love to share them with you.

My IQ Sage Word and Line

Once again, the Sage wisdom has blown my mind …

Conviction

sensuous living as a result of decisive action

I’ve got to be honest with you, at first “conviction” struck me as rather ordinary, maybe even, dare I say it, a little dull, especially coming on the heels of that exciting and adventurous word, “myth” in my Attraction sphere.

But that feeling only lasted about a minute, because as I sat with the word and looked at its meanings, I could see that it is the most perfect word for the Gift of Discrimination to wrap itself around. If you’ve read any of my posts on these Sage words, you’ll know that one of the things I like to do is look at my Roget’s Thesaurus (paper copy, never online!) and see which words and phrases orbit my Sage word …

From my Roget’s Thesaurus:

Conviction … certainty, fate, positiveness, moral, assurance, confidence, influence, authenticity, truth, irrefragability, belief, credence, trust, faith, reliance intuition, creed, what one holds one believes, one’s word of honour, teaching, hope, sanguine expectation, security, anchor

Oh my goodness, I love all of these words! And I love that phrase, “what one holds one believes”. I can always rely on my Thesaurus to open up extra layers of meaning.

When I stand by my convictions, then I am standing on solid ground. I am sure-footed, like the wolf (that is the Dream Arc creature for my IQ Gene Key 12!). My convictions mean that I am sure of myself.

In order to stand on my solid ground of conviction, I must be completely honest and authentic. Any whiff of pretence, or suggestion of untruths, then quicksand opens before me and I am swallowed by uncertainty and a lack of self-belief.

Absolute Faith and Trust in Myself

To stand in my own conviction is to have absolute faith and trust in myself. Conviction does not allow for false gods and golden idols; there’s no room for gurus and other people’s teachings and dogma.

There is just me, holding what I believe in my own two hands, making of it an honest life.

My own truths are irrefragable (another awesome word, thank you Monsieur Roget!). I must not ever question them. I must believe my own truths wholeheartedly.

My safety and security depend upon me dropping the anchor of truth and being held fast by the conviction that I am a woman of honour, unshakeable in my self-belief.

My conviction is that anchor of stability that my Gene Key 48.3 in my Purpose invites me into.

What My Conviction Means to Me

With my conviction held close to my heart, I can do anything. Conviction gives me faith in my own dharma and trust in my karma.

For me, conviction is tied inextricably to my commitment and devotion to this inner work.

Conviction is a muscle I must continually work on. To keep me steady. Being committed and devoted to doing this work means that holding the fiery brand of conviction is easy.

And this is nothing to do with dogma, nor with pushing my ideas onto someone else. This is about me, constantly and consistently, telling myself the truth and holding the faith that this handmade life I am creating is perfect in every way.

My conviction tells me I am on the right path.

My conviction allows me to stay steady, even when life’s circumstances want to knock me off kilter.

My conviction is my truth, spoken with a clear voice and no hesitation.

I have the conviction to make the life that I want to live. I get to hand make this life, if I have the conviction to do so. And I do. I really, really do have the conviction to make this life that I want.

My conviction is my belief in this work and my absolute belief that I am on the right path and that this is actually the work that I am meant to be doing. 

And oh, it does feel so very solid and so very grounded to stand by one’s convictions, and to stand by your own truth.

And if I can live with conviction, then life becomes easier.

The Sage word and line for my Purpose Gene Key … affinity … is all about being an anchor.  It’s about trusting that you will follow the right path, whether you’re following a book or not, you know, whether you’re following someone else’s teaching or not.

I make the path by walking.

And you know, I absolutely love that I was introduced to this concept of “making the path by walking” by Richard Rudd, who wrote the Gene Keys (and the Sage!). Richard himself says that you reach a point where you throw out the Gene Keys teachings and walk your own path. I love that these are teachings, not dogma. The Gene Keys are a living transmission, not a set of rules you have to live by.

Traveller, your footprints
are the only road, nothing else.
Traveller, there is no road;
you make your own path as you walk.
Antonio Machado

A Sage Line that is as Sensuous as it is Decisive

sensuous living as a result of decisive action

“Sensuous living” is not, as some might think, just about the sensuality of physical sex, although of course that is part of it. Sensuous living is embodying pleasure and passion in every aspect of one’s life.

Sensuous living is sucking the marrow out of life; it is feasting on the juicy pomegranates and peaches of life. Sensuous living is delicious and enchanting, passionate and fulfilling, and it is what I want in my life!

There is the fire of passion, yes, the fire that makes every nerve end vibrate. But there is also the luxurious softness of simply being held … in a lover’s arms, or in your own sweet embrace.

Sensuous living is sensory living; being aware of the wind on your skin and the heat of the sun. It is all about being so connected to nature, that a bird song can be heartbreakingly beautiful, a tree can bring you tears of joy, the scent of sweet peas and new mown hay can send you hurtling into childhood memories of long hot summers experienced decades before.

Hyper-Awareness, Absolute Sensitivity

Sensuous living is hyper-aware living. Every part of me becomes an antenna for picking up the vibrations of the world around me.

My skin shivers and softens and yields to the touch of my lover’s hand, the heat of the sun, and the coolness of the sea.

My sight, my smell, my taste, my hearing … all of my senses open me to this sensual world.

The beauty I see around me moves me every day. Since I started this Gene Keys journey, there is rarely a day goes by that something doesn’t move me to tears.

The smell of new baked bread makes my heart turn over, because I know my love has baked it for me.

The smell of grasses in the summer sun takes me back to the idyl of my early childhood, running free in the fields.

The taste of raspberries have me back there too, wild and free, and living on fruit harvested from the farmer’s garden.

The sound of the sea is one of the most sensuous sounds to me. It is like a breath, and a heartbeat; it is like silk slipping from skin.

This is sensuous living for me. To notice the world around me with my whole body, and to be pleasured by it.

Sensuous Living as a Result of Decisive Action

So, what of sensuous living “as a result of decisive action”? Sensuous living is not just a result of decisive action; it is the very reason for decisive action. If I am not taking action that will result in a sensuous experience, then what is the point?

This doesn’t mean living a hedonistic life, with no regard for other people. No. This means living a true and honest life that brings me sensuous experiences in every moment, where the sensuous experience might simply be the feeling of the earth beneath my feet when I am out walking, or the pillow beneath my head when I am resting and allowing my body to be still.

Sensuous living is a life lived through the senses. I experienced this very thing on my walk on the first morning of contemplating this new Sage word and line … I was smelling cut barley and seeing the most glorious golden sunrise, which was bathing the whole countryside in gold. I was hearing birdsong. I was experiencing the morning through all of my senses.

Sensuous living is making this handmade life of mine, so that every day I experience sights and sounds and tastes and touch that allow me to suck the marrow out of life.

Ordinary AND Exciting

Sensuous living is at once ordinary and exciting. This is my ordinary life, and through my conviction, I am turning this ordinary, mundane life into a sensual, passionate experience.

I am revelling in the fact that I am committed to this life of mine; I am exulting in the understanding that I can live a sensual life.

If I live with conviction, then my life will easily become a sensuous palette of colour and smell and taste and experience.

Life is about the experience of living. It’s about allowing myself to abandon myself to sensuous living, to the experience of being alive. For me, conviction is about drinking it all in, imbibing it until I am drunk on the sensuality of this life of mine.

And I have the conviction to keep doing this inner work, to keep opening my heart more and more all the time.

Because that is what then opens me up to the deep, passionate sensuality of life.

Conviction as sensuous living is all about romance. It’s all about standing solidly in the romance of life. This feels so perfect. It was my friend and Guide, Hayley Curtis, who brought in the notion of romance when I spoke to her of this delicious word “conviction”, and as soon as she said the word “romance”, it was met with a great whoosh of recognition in my body.

Of course “conviction” would be sensuous and all about romance! Do I not also have romance in my Venus Stream in my SQ Gene Key 55?! How perfect that my journey through this stream is to be a romance. And not just any romance, not a sentimental, schmaltzy romance … this is a mythic romance that will open me up to so much more love.

And I am safe to do that.

I am safe in my conviction, which means that not only can I open my heart more, but I can also open my mind more. I can take all that mental and emotional energy that I used to put into keeping myself safe, and free it up to live sensuously, to expand, to be more creative, to be more playful.

Oh, what a glorious word “conviction” is! It’s not ordinary, is it?! And it is far, far from dull!

Nota Bene
In Love with My Life

I was fortunate enough to be able to talk to my wonderful Gene Keys Guide, Hayley Curtis, about my Sage line. Hayley knows me very, very well, having travelled with me through my whole Golden Path as my Guide twice; and she is now walking the Sage’s path by my side. She knows how my lack of safety has been something I have worked on (and battled with and struggled with!) for decades. She knows how much work I have done to regain my footing, to find the solid ground, to find safety.

So, when she said to me, “There is nothing more safe than living life firmly planted in one’s passions”, I felt so seen. Because, oh yes!! I have never felt safer. As soon as she said that about living firmly planted in my conviction, I felt a sense of recognition, because that is exactly what my conviction has given me … deep roots firmly planted in my passions for life, for love, for this inner work.

Hayley also said that she knows me to be a woman of deep conviction, if not the woman of the deepest conviction out of everyone she knows! That made me feel seen too.

I am utterly surrendered to my romantic life, so I am safe.

For being this surrendered means that I am IN my life … I am in LOVE with my life.

I am in love with the whole of life.

What could be more safe than that?!

All of the photographs I’ve used (bar one) are of farmland and farm animals, that remind me of my childhood. For the first half of these IQ years, I still lived on a farm, so golden crops and sheep and hens were regular sights for me, and I still love to take photographs of farming life.

There is one shot that was taken on the farm where I grew up. You can see me as a young girl, sitting on a wall beside a fruit garden. The two other people in the shot were two of the most influential people in my life when I was a child and in these IQ years, so I really wanted to include this photograph.

You can see more of my photographs on my Flickr page.