A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

This month we are exploring your Sphere of Purpose.
A deep sense of meaning rooted in the essence of your being.

The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

This month in the Sage’s Golden Path Retreat we are exploring our Purpose. This section of the online course about exploring our Sphere of Purpose, begins with these words … A deep sense of meaning rooted in the essence of your being … I have been exploring this Gene Key for over two months now (this time around the Golden Path!), because it is not only the first Sphere of the Venus Sequence, it is the last Sphere of the Activation Sequence, and it honestly feels so good to slip on this comfortable skin of my Gene Key 48, as I step into this Venus Stream.

The next six months of my life are going to be an immersion into relationships, and a deep dive into my own personal growth through the lens of relationship.

And of course, the most important relationship that any of us has is with ourselves.

Begin with Love

We begin by loving ourselves.

The Venus Sequence is all about love, and all love begins here, in my own heart. This is not selfish. This is about me coming into a loving relationship with my true self, so that I might step into the stream of universal love.

I am learning how to love myself, which really, is what all of this Gene Keys work is about.

And the reason I believe that it is not selfish to do this is because, in that learning, I am able to love others. As I learn to love myself unconditionally, I strip away the co-dependency that used to masquerade as love. I strip away the neediness, the greediness for acceptance.

I love myself, just the way I am, and that allows me to show up authentically in my relationships. And isn’t that what I truly want? Real relationships, where I am loved just for being me; not for what they want from me; not for some image or facsimile I was presenting, in order to not be rejected.

I want to be loved exactly as I am. And that can only happen when I love myself exactly as I am.

So, it is perfect that a voyage through my relationships starts with a voyage into myself with this Purpose Key.

Being Who I Am

Your Purpose is not about doing anything, but simply about being who you are.

Being who I am. You would think that would be the easiest thing in the world! But we are bombarded by so much noise that tells us we are not in fact good enough just the way we are, and frankly, I have had enough of that! For years, decades, I tried to be what other people told me I should be (either through the aforementioned bombardment of the commercial world, the fantasy of TV and films; or through the coercive control of people who purported to love me).

I’m not doing that any more. I am being me. And I am learning, slowly, day by day, step by step on this inner road, that I am enough just as my natural self. 

I loved this thing that Richard Rudd said in one of the Venus videos about his spirituality being 95% hidden. (Oh, my god! Can you imagine what is going under the surface, if his visible 5% created the Gene Keys synthesis!?)

I get it, because that’s how I feel about this inner work too. Yes, I show my work to others; I share my words in our Cauldron of Crones website, on social media and Substack, in the glorious Gene Keys Unleashed membership. But the external world only gets to see 5% of the journey I am on. What the world does get, and what my relationships get, is the glow from the fire that burns inside me.

What the people in my life get is the delicious overflow of my love. Because my inner chalice of love is overflowing.

Refilling My Cup

And how do I keep replenishing this love?!

By doing this work. By diving into my aloneness every day. By making contemplation a daily practice.

I am all me in my inner world

I am all me in the pages of my journal. I am all me in my contemplative pauses. I remind myself every day that I am worthy of love just the way I am. Even on the days when I am exhausted. Even on the days when my hips are so sore that there is no relief from the pain, no comfort in any position. Even on those days, I love myself. Even when loving myself is hard … I still love myself. Even when I am judging myself or my body … I still love myself. Even on those days I treasure myself. Even on those days, especially on those days, I tell myself I am enough.

My voice may be quieter on those days; I might just be able to whisper it. I might forget for long stretches of time, but I will always come back to it. Sometimes it’s in my journal that the remembrance comes. Sometimes it’s in a conversation with my best friend, Meghan. Sometimes it’s in shared laughter with my husband. I remember.

I remember that I am fulfilling my Purpose by being myself.

I am stepping into the Venus Stream with my heart full of love for myself.

I am ready to swim in the waters of love.

I am ready to simply be who I am in all of my relationships. I am ready for this journey.

And YES! It All Comes Back to Trust!

To discover your Purpose, you must relax into the beauty of your own body and cultivate a sense of inner calm, trust, and joy for being alive.

This is landing even deeper than it did when I read it as part of the Activation Sequence, because over the last two months the levels of pain and tiredness I feel in my body have increased. It’s perfect to read these words now, after a few weeks of travelling with Toad.

The message is clear … Trust!

Trust that what I am feeling in my body is okay. Trust there is grace in suffering. Trust that the pain and the tiredness are here to help me crack open an even deeper layer of love for myself and my body. Trust that I can feel joy and love, even when I am in pain. Trust that all is exactly as it should be. (I will just caveat this by saying that hearing the message of “trust” is a lot different from actually living that trust!)

As I embark upon the Venus Sequence, I am entering a journey into love, a journey into Purpose. And I have to understand, I have to feel at a deep and visceral level, that all of this love and Purpose are still available to me, even in the suffering. Especially in the suffering.

Because suffering opens up channels of compassion that might not otherwise be available to me if the going was all smooth plain sailing! The more compassion I can have for myself, the more will be available for others. The more love I can have for myself, the more will overflow onto others. This is how I fill my cup … by loving myself, even in the suffering.

My Purpose is the Essence of My Humanity

My Purpose Gene Key is Resourcefulness and Wisdom … so, my most natural and loving state is to be found there. I can do anything. I can cope with anything, even this pain in my body. I can find the resources deep within my own being to uncover and share my innate wisdom, even on those days when I am undone by the pain. 

My humanity is strengthened by my own experiences of pain.

What if just by being your authentic self you were giving a great gift to the entire world? This is your invitation in the Sphere of Purpose – to respond to life with peace and creativity instead of reacting against it with fear or anger.

This is a concept I’ve been sitting with for months … What if I am just meant to be me, and what if that is enough, and what if that’s the very thing I’m here to do? Nothing grand, nothing earth-shattering. Just being me.

Purpose can be simple. Purpose can simply be me living with an open heart. Perhaps my greatest purpose in the external world is loving my husband. Our relationship is extraordinary. Perhaps that is Purpose enough. Perhaps I don’t need any bigger piece in the puzzle than the love I feel for him, for Meghan, for Hayley, for Trina, for Lizzie, for all the glorious soul friends I am lucky enough to have in my life. 

All of my Prime Gifts make up a pretty amazing package …

My Dynamism is my love and enthusiasm for life and for this work. Perhaps that is my Purpose.

My Perseverance kept me going for years. Perhaps living that example for other women to see is my Purpose.

My Authority in this field of inner work has given inspiration and strength to other women. Perhaps that is my Purpose.

My Resourcefulness is the way I always find a way through, and perhaps that example to others is my Purpose.

I embody all of these Gifts.

If my Purpose is just to be me, then I am actually already really good at it.

The photographs I used for this essay are of trees. I mean, I’m talking about the root of my Gene Keys chart here … I had to share trees and trunks and roots!!

You can see more of my photographs on my Flickr page.