A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

sincerity

Dedicated intention and focus that embraces and works with weakness

We have now moved into our Evolution sphere in the Gene Keys Sage’s Golden Path Retreat, and once again, Richard Rudd has gifted me with the most perfect word and line to encapsulate my Gene Key 38.1 … the Shadow of Struggle, the Gift of Perseverance, the Siddhi of Honour.

And the word he has chosen for 38.1 is “sincerity”.

For me, this is about always speaking the truth. And always meaning it! Every part of me has to be in alignment for me to be truly sincere.

It’s not just the words I speak, it’s the thoughts I hold behind the words. It’s the unspoken words. The deep thoughts I share with no one.

It’s the emotions I feel.

Every word I speak, think or write must be in complete alignment and harmony with every feeling.

I have to feel the words’ resonance throughout my whole being.

A clear note.

Every word must be felt in my body like a sigh.

Words must flow through me and from me like crystal clear water.

Sincerity

I must mean every single word.

I must pare away the insincere, the empty, and the meaningless.

Speak only truth.

Speak honestly.

Sincerity cannot lie. Lying is against the very nature of the sincere one.

If I am truly to live with sincerity, then there can be no judgment of myself, there can be no opinions about myself. There can only be truth.

What that word “sincerity” brought up for me immediately, was the thought, “Okay! Got to put my money where my mouth is!! Got to walk my actual fucking talk.”

I feel as if what Richard is saying here, with this word “sincerity”, is that it’s not just about speaking my truth. Now, I admit that I use that expression … speaking my truth … quite a lot. But in truth, between you and me, I am rather ambivalent about the expression! It has become such a trope of the New Age, hasn’t it? And it’s kind of lost its power for me.

So, for me, sincerity is not just about speaking my truth, which is what I’m trying to do all the time with my written words and with my spoken words.

Sincerity is about being truth.

Sincerity is about embodying truth, embodying radical self-honesty; it’s about living, breathing, feeling truth, in every moment, every day, even in the struggle, even in the suffering.

Preux Chevalier, My Warrior of Light

And of course, if you’ve been paying attention to my Travel Essays, then you’ll know that when I am contemplating a word, one of the places I go is to my Roget’s Thesaurus (probably the most-thumbed book in my massive home library!).

From the Thesaurus for “sincerity”, some of my favourite words and expressions are … probity, uprightness, goodness, sanctity, virtue, purity, honest, moral fibre, honour, conscience, good faith, true knight, preux chevalier, fair fighter.

Looking at the words in the Thesaurus, I can see that “sincerity” is the perfect word for a warrior of light, which is what this Gene Key 38 of mine is!

This is the perfect word for a woman of honour, which is the Siddhi of this 38^th Key.

And Yet More Sincerity

I must always do what is right, even if I am not seen … especially if I am not seen!

Sincerity asks a lot of a human. Our tendency towards insincerity appears to be built in to our human vessel. We lie to protect ourselves. We lie to protect others’ feelings. We lie to look good.

We do not present our true face to the world so much of the time.

For me, I was in that place of insincerity for so long, because I was living with the false belief that my true face wasn’t good enough, that my true face wasn’t acceptable.

So, I presented the facade that others wanted or expected. I said the words others wanted to hear. I did what others thought I should do.

I was not sincere; I was not honest.

I wasn’t honest about who I was, and what I wanted, or what I needed. I wasn’t honest about what I liked, and what I didn’t like.

I wasn’t honest about who I was, because I never believed that who I truly was anywhere near good enough.

There is no sincerity in a life lived pretending to be someone you are not at your core.

The Pain of Insincerity

Insincerity and dishonesty hurt. Insincerity is harsh and it’s spiky and it’s uneasy.

And the person I hurt most with my lack of honesty was me. I was the one most injured by my spikes. I was the greatest victim of my own dis-ease.

There is no possibility of me radiating sincerity out into the world, if I am not being completely honest in my inner world.

There IS Good News!

But, and here’s the good news (for me, anyway!!) … I don’t do that any more! I have changed. It is possible to change, even the habits of a lifetime!

Instead of pretending to be someone I am not … I am me!

I am wholly and completely and absolutely ME!

I am the me who was buried under all that self-deception.

I am the me I always was in my heart, but never, ever believed would be acceptable or palatable to those around me. I am the me who used to go unseen, but who now sees herself!

I am just me now.

I am sincere.

And oh, I practice this art of sincerity every single day. For it is a practice, this art of Truth telling. Being my natural self. Being sincere. These are practices that a real human must observe every day.

And I am finding that these practices are even more vital if that human is a warrior! Because to fight the good fight, to fight for right, then you have to come from the true sincerity of your heart!

I aspire to be a preux chevalier, which my trusty Thesaurus brought into my consciousness. Preux chevalier … an Old French phrase which means valiant knight, one who is courageous and honourable, chivalrous and brave.

I want to be valiant and brave; I want to be honourable and true.

I want to be sincere.

All of the photographs I’ve used in this essay are shots of textures and patterns found in nature. I’m not sure why, but when I was trying to decide which photographs to use for this, the first of my Evolution Gene Key Travel Essays, I wanted to show Nature, up close and personal. I wanted to use macros, and sections of rocks and trees, they felt right for a contemplation on evolution and struggle.