A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

The Siddhi of your Purpose is an emanation of the earth itself.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

Oh my goodness, I do like the notion that my Siddhi of Wisdom (Gene Key 48) is an emanation of the earth itself! The earth has innate Wisdom; she knows when to grow and when to lie dormant. She knows when water is needed, and when fire is needed. She has her rhythms and her own resonant heartbeat. She has her times of harvest and her fallow times. She has her new spring growth and her winter die-back.

The earth follows its own natural cycle. And the earth is so full of treasures. That is what this Wisdom of mine is really about. Following my natural rhythm, knowing when to grow and create; knowing when to rest and lie dormant.

And knowing where to find my treasure!

Knowing that I have everything I need, right here, in my own ecosystem. Knowing that I am whole unto myself.

I have all the treasure I need right here inside me, and it has been hard won. I’ve fought my own dragons. My Shadows. But instead of killing them, I’ve set them free. This journey to find my own Wisdom has been an epic adventure, and I have learned much.

In the great legends of old, we may recall stories of treasure or crystals hidden in underground vaults in the earth. Often this treasure is guarded by some mythical creature such as a dragon, which must then be fought and vanquished.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

But this is not the end. This is the beginning of a new adventure. This is the beginning of the next quest.

For here is the thing about Wisdom … there is always more to find.

I don’t have all the answers. I have just come to the mouth of the cave. There is so much more to explore.

But oh, the relief of knowing that I can do this. I can keep on digging for more treasures. My resources are infinite. And when I find treasure, when I find nuggets of Wisdom inside me, like the chalice that is never empty that I found in the cave during the Pathway of Breakthrough meditation, there is always more. And the more I share with other people, the more I find for myself.

Our Siddhi of Purpose is an Ideal We Bring onto the Physical Plane

A deep sigh of both relief and recognition goes through me at the thought that my Siddhi of Wisdom is an ideal I am here to bring onto the physical plane. I could feel the first shoots of this understanding grow when I went through my Golden Path the first time with Hayley Curtis … that my service in this world is to share my passion for this inner work.

This was honed in Devoted, the year-long group program that I did with Hayley and 12 other women. And so the Cauldron of Crones website was born, the Conversations With A Couple Of Crones Podcast was born, and all the wonders that Meghan and I have brought to the world.

I am now fine tuning it with Sage’s journey, and as I write my book (Travel Essays from the Inner Journey!) while I make this journey inside. I am meant to share this treasure, not keep it hidden like Gollum! I am meant to rejoice in the understanding that I hold all the Wisdom I need right here inside me, then, in a great celebration of life, of my life. I am meant to show others the way into their own inner realms.

We all have this treasure inside us, and no matter what anyone’s Gene Keys are, this beautiful Siddhi of Wisdom will be wrapped around their Purpose Siddhi. The notion of Wisdom is lofty, but it is also incredibly practical. It can become a code to live by. If one can drop into one’s own heart and ask, what is my innate wisdom guiding me towards, then every decision is made from a grounded place of trust and truth. We are safe to make the right decision for us.

Going Inwards and Downwards

Richard Rudd says this incredible thing in the Sage’s Golden Path Retreat that felt as if it summed up my whole life …

You must therefore go inwards and downwards through the Shadow to find this inner essence, and your whole life is an odyssey to mine this gold.

Because you see, this is my life, this odyssey to mine the gold of Wisdom. I spent so many years living in the Shadow of Inadequacy, and then I spent years working to dismantle its power over me. The shifts have occurred, not because I destroyed the Shadow, but rather because I have embraced self-love and self-acceptance.

When I am in a place of self-love and self-acceptance, it is very hard to still hold the belief that I am Inadequate. The Inadequacy melts away, and I am able to see my own worth, I am able to see my own Resourcefulness.

This took a lot of work, a lot of self-honesty and self-reflection. And now I feel ready and equipped for the next part of the journey … the odyssey to find my gold of Wisdom.

The word “odyssey” is perfect … it means travel, wayfaring, passage, pilgrimage, quest, exploration, journey, range, wander. (Thank you M. Roget!)

Because this is a journey, it is a pilgrimage, it is a quest. I have seen the glimmer of the Wisdom I hold inside me. I have felt it stir in my blood. I have smelled it on the air, like a summer breeze, bringing the scent of flowers and grass and earth. I journey into my fecund and fertile interior every day that I sit at my journal, every time I craft words like these to share.

And always, it is a journey of discovery, always it is a quest to find my own treasure.

This is my path now. This is my Purpose. To keep on diving into my own interior world and bringing back treasure.

And the Shadow of Inadequacy prepared me for this; it was the fire I had to walk through. The Gift of Resourcefulness means I have everything I will ever need on this journey. My resources are infinite; my magical backpack is fathomless and holds all that I need to walk into that dark interior and find the gold. I was born for this. I was trained by life for this.

I am a warrior.

I am a monk without a monastery.

I am a devotee.

I am a wanderer, a flâneur of my inner paths and plains.

I Have a Special Responsibility to do this Work

The Gene Keys teach us that “those of us who are privileged enough to have time to contemplate our purpose have a special responsibility to the earth to bring this essence into the world.”

I feel this. I mean, I feel this really deeply, in my bones, in my blood, in my cells. I know how privileged I am. I know how safe and comfortable my life is compared to the countless millions who live with the daily threat of death, from war, from oppression, from hunger. We live in a world so full of hate and horror, an outer landscape of vice and violence.

But I am one of the lucky ones. I live in a world full of love. I feel so lucky, and I thank those lucky stars of mine every single day!

But I do also feel there is a responsibility I must carry. I must do this work. I must not stop doing this work. I must share it. It is my duty and responsibility to bring as much love and understanding, compassion and truth, out into my external world as I can. And to do that, I must keep travelling inwards. I must keep journeying into my interior, seeking the gold, uncovering the Wisdom. And bringing it back into the light.

Fulfilling Our Higher Purpose

Oh, I have to believe that it is true, that every time we incarnate even a small aspect of the greater ideal of a better world, we fulfil our higher Purpose. I have to believe that all this work I am doing on myself is for a higher purpose.

Or else what is the point? It cannot just be about my healing; it has to be for more. I have come to believe in the interconnectedness of all beings. I have come to believe that we are all part of a greater whole. I cannot feed every starving person. I cannot protect every abused woman. I cannot save every life from the horrors of war.

But I can do this. I can do this work to incarnate my small part of the greater ideal for a better world. I can bring love and safety to my own small part of the great tapestry of life. What better way to spend my time than bringing more love and more creativity into the world?

I simply have to believe that there is more to this work than healing my own wounds. My healing has to be contributing to raising the frequency of healing in the world. My love has to be raising the frequency of love in the world. Isn’t that what we all really want at our core? More love. More love for ourselves and for the world.

A Selfless Collective Impulse to Serve the Whole

At the level of frequency of the Siddhis, your Purpose is no longer your Purpose. It becomes a selfless collective impulse to serve the whole.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

Oh, how I want that to be true. I believe that good exists in the world, despite so much evidence to the contrary that is filling our eyes and ears on social media and TV; and I believe that there is so much more good than evil. I believe that most people, deep down, want the world to be at peace; most people would rather see a world filled with love than one filled with hate; most people want other people to prosper as they prosper.  

I know that I do! I want there to be a deeper meaning to my Purpose on this earth. This Siddhi of Wisdom, which I am on a quest to uncover, it is not just for me. It is for all of us. This Wisdom is to be shared. I want to be of use in the world. I see so much suffering, and I want to bring healing to the collective. And I do that by first healing myself.

I can’t stop the tears from coming, as I contemplate this Siddhi. I so want it to be true that I am doing something important here by doing this work on myself. I need there to be more.

Because otherwise it is just performative selfishness. Look at me, doing the inner work!! I never want to feel self-righteous about it. I always want to feel as if I am doing this work for the whole collective. (I do have Humility in my chart, after all, so this is important to me!!).

And that comes down to intent. If my intentions are pure, if my intent is to bring healing to the collective, and always operate from that place, then I will be on the right path.

How do I serve the whole?

How do I bring healing to the collective?

How do I bring Wisdom to the physical plane?

These are questions I must ask over and over again.

The Deepest, Most Hidden Possibility of My Life

The Purpose Siddhi is my tree of Wisdom, grown from the seed of Inadequacy that is the Shadow. My Siddhi is the fruit on that tree, as well as being the roots that hold me firm. The taproot of this tree of Wisdom goes deeper than any other, because it is the taproot of my whole life.

I am here to bring Wisdom to the collective. I am here to find my own Wisdom for the collective. I am here to find my own Wisdom, and then to use it as a power for good. I am here to be the Wisdom.

I would never have believed that, if you’d said it to me five, ten, twenty years ago. Thirty years ago I would have thought you were playing a cruel trick on me, if you’d told me I was here to bring Wisdom to the world. I would have wept, for I couldn’t even bring wisdom into my own daily life.

But those words of Richard Rudd’s, “deepest, most hidden possibility”, oh! Now, they fill me with excitement; now I see this whole world of possibility inside me. I have it all. I have all the answers to my questions; I have all the skills and tools I need to make this journey inwards. I have already uncovered so much. How exciting to think that there is more, that there are hidden possibilities still to be discovered within me.

A Powerful Transformation

I’ll be honest, I was pretty thrilled when I first got my chart and saw that I had Wisdom. Now I know that in contemplating the Siddhi of Purpose, I am touching a gift given by the gods. I am, at heart, wise.

Wisdom is the heart of my true genius.

And that doesn’t mean having every answer, what it really means is being open enough, open-hearted and open minded enough to allow the Wisdom to come bubbling up from the unknown depths within me. I cannot force Wisdom, it must come when the time is right, when I am ready, when it is ripe for the picking.

This is what I’m here for … to dive into the unknown again and again, and to bring back the gold. Sometimes it’s just dust that gets to settle, sparkling, on my skin. Other times it’s nuggets of such richness and splendour, they shift the entire trajectory of my life.

And I’m not just mining this gold for myself. I’m doing this for the collective good. When one heals, the whole heals a little bit more. When one finds gold, the whole collective is richer.

I feel as if I am right at the beginning with this work. I have now uncovered the truth that this Purpose Siddhi is a gift from the gods, that it’s important. Now, I must decide what I am going to do with that.

How am I going to let this become my greatest transformation?

The photographs I used for this essay are a mix of Wiltshire and Devon scenes (and one shot of my engagement ring … my jewel!). I chose them as I wrote the essay. I chose trees when I was writing about roots, I chose roads when I was writing about this path. I chose beauty, because I am in love with this world!

You can see more of my photographs on my Flickr page.