A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

(and I have to warn you … it’s a long one!)

Oh, what a delight it was to step into the energy of my Purpose Gift. I have Gene Key 48 here, the Gift of Resourcefulness, which I absolutely love. But before I tell you about that rather ordinary sounding Gift, which is in fact quite extraordinary, I want to use this essay to talk about the Purpose sphere itself, and the Pathway of Core Stability that leads here. Well, I want to talk about what this Purpose sphere and Core Stability mean to me!!

Your Purpose is your root; it is your anchor into the earth and into yourself. It is the Gene Key from which the tree of your whole profile grows. It is not just a root; it is the taproot. A taproot is the primary root of a plant, that grows vertically downward. In the plant world, it is the central element or position in a line of growth or development, and that is exactly what this Purpose sphere is in the living entity that is your Gene Keys profile.

In The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat, Richard Rudd advises this …

If you really want to get in tune with your deepest Purpose in life, there is one failsafe way to do it – spend more time listening to nature.

Spending more time in nature was the secret sauce that made Devoted* so juicy. When I look at my journey with the Gene Keys, I see those first 18 months of discovering my golden Path as very internal, as if I were in the cave of my own being, a hermit inside my own body, my house, my safe space, with only my glorious Guide, Hayley, for company. Something fundamental shifted when I started to take my contemplations out into nature with daily walks. What started as something to ease the pain in my hips quickly became something that was nourishing all of me. Walking in nature every day is as vital to me as food and water. I need it, not only for the good of my body, but for my soul, my mind, my heart. 

It’s not just the rhythmic movement, it’s the breathing of fresh air; it’s being in the elements and feeling sun, wind and rain on my face. It’s hearing birds sing (and woodpeckers knock!). It’s seeing hares and squirrels and deer. It’s watching the turn of the seasons … the spring growth and rebirth, the summer blossoming and its rich abundance; the autumn’s harvest, colours and die back. And then winter’s stark beauty of bare trees and frost-limned leaves and plants.

It’s the beauty of nature in all her garments and guises that feeds my soul. Every day there is something beautiful to see.

Oh, and when I’m beside the sea, it’s the complete sense of belonging. The water, the beach, the dunes, the cliffs. Everything about being by the see feeds me. Those three days in Devon last month were heaven to me. Writing to the sound of the sea. Then spending hours walking on the beach.

Even sitting here at my desk, watching my garden, fills me with peace.

“Our Core Stability is About Feeling the Pulse of the Earth Within Us”

I love this statement from Richard Rudd, because that is one of the most delicious things about this work. I love the way the Gene Keys have connected me to the earth, to Gaia. I feel Gaia in a way I never have before. I’ve always loved being out in nature, ever since I was a barefoot wee girl, growing up on a farm; but this feeling is different. This is a connection to the whole biosphere of earth. This is feeling as if I am connected to a sentient life force, like I am part of something so much bigger than myself.

When I think about my core stability, I always see myself as a tree, sinking my roots really deep into the earth. I think of myself as part of the ecosystem of the planet. I think of myself as connected to all life. 

In the Gene Keys, Richard Rudd talks about the electromagnetic field that is created by the liquid metal at her core, that influences all life forms on our planet.

Our planet is so powerful. Humans think they’re so powerful, so “in control”; they think they can plunder and strip and manipulate the earth for their own gain. But she could shuck all of us off. She could pour that liquid metal fire out, she could shift her tectonic plates, she could even shift on her axis, and we’d be snuffed out.

And she would remain. We should be in reverence to this planet. We should care for her and bend our heads in gratitude to her every day.

A Symbolic Reflection of the Earth’s Inner Fire

As your Life’s Work is a symbolic reflection of the outer sun, so your Purpose is a symbolic reflection of this secret inner fire at the heart of the earth.
The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

I love that! It gives me goosebumps. It makes me smile. It makes me sigh. And oh, how perfect is my Gene Key 48 is a reflection of that secret inner fire?! It is the well that reaches deep into the heart of the earth. If there is a bottom to this well, it exists in the core of the earth. Which is this ever bubbling, ever burning liquid metal fire.

This Gene Key 48 gives me access to this secret inner fire by allowing me to dive headlong into myself. I feel like I am connected to this fiery core. I feel as if I carry part of this fire inside me, and I access it through this Gift of the Void. The Void is not empty, it holds everything, it holds the whole of the earth. It is vast and unfathomable.

And that is the Purpose that burns in me. I burn with the earth’s fire. I burn for this work; I burn for the earth. I burn and yearn to be of service. I burn to live fully. I burn with creativity.

How incredible this Activation Sequence is … it invites us to feel the twin powers of the sun (in our Life’s Work) and the earth here in our Purpose, burning inside us. It’s fulsome, and wholesome, and it is everything. To be the sun and the earth wrapped up in human skin! Wow. That’s pretty bloody awesome.

Attune to that which is Hidden Inside You

Our Gifts emerge as we attune to that which is hidden inside us, so how do I do that? I do it by listening. By pausing. By slowing down. By sitting in silence. By writing. By walking in nature. By contemplating. By talking to my best friend, Meghan.

I truly believe that hidden inside all of us are the answers we have been seeking. I believe we all hold all the wisdom we need in order to grow and evolve as humans. I believe that all of the safety we seek in external people and situations actually lives in the deep recesses of our own being.

I think there are two prongs on the tuning fork that you must slowly change your attitude to come into attunement with your hidden self. One is, of course, love. Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do. Don’t wait until you have all the answers or have healed all the wounds.

Love yourself first, love yourself now, before you have the proof you are worthy of love.

And this requires the twin prong on this tuning fork … trust.

Trust yourself.

Trust life.

Trust the process.

Trust your love.

Trust that you are worthy of love.

If I tune into love and trust, and the harmony they create together, this will allow me to attune myself to all that lies hidden inside me.

If I tune into the love and the trust and allow their song to sing my life to me, then I will find my way home to myself.

The Archetypes and Myths that Stir My Spirit

Richard Rudd also says that in order to access this unconscious realm of our inner world, you must “heed the archetypes and myths that stir your spirit”.

The Warrior archetype is one that stirs me deeply, and one I return to again and again in my chart. The Warrior of Light, the Warrior of Love. The warrior who fights for the underdog. The warrior who always fights for right.

The myths and stories of warriors who stir me are Lord of the Rings … Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli. There is of course Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones, who is my absolute favourite warrior. There is Boudica. There is Joan of Arc. And there is, of course, King Arthur. There are all the knights who fought for the weak. Not the ones who plundered, but the ones who served.

The Crone archetype is also deeply important to me. The wise woman. The hermit. Baba Yaga. The Cailleach. Since stepping onto this journey of the Gene Keys, I have embraced my Cronehood. I have owned my Crone self. The Line 6s that I have in my Vocation and Attraction spheres tell me that I am meant to come to my Leadership and Precision later in life. Where ageing used to be something to be feared, I now rejoice in the fact that I have reached my crone years. How lucky am I, to have lived this life?! How lucky am I to be discovering all that I am discovering about myself now, when I am old enough to appreciate it!!

Our Purpose Connects Us With the Past

If my Purpose connects me strongly with the past, with my ancestral DNA and the culture I was born into, then it is a connection to a culture that was of hard-working miners, on both sides of my lineage. The culture was of poverty. But my immediate ancestry, my dad, he was the biggest influence on my life. He taught me a love of nature, of the wilderness. He taught me about freedom. He was a bit of a gypsy at heart. He was also good. He never spoke badly of anyone. He was gentle and kind. He was a “real” man, hunting, fishing, climbing, hillwalking; but he was also deeply committed to his family. He would rather be camped by a loch or climbing a mountain with us, than drinking in the pub, which was the culture he was born into. He was so different from all the other men in the culture I was born into.

Richard Rudd says, “Our Gifts are grounded in the memory of our personal and collective past”.

Well, my Gift of Resourcefulness certainly is! I learned Resourcefulness from my dad and then I deepened that Resourcefulness after he died, and I had to cope with life alone.

My Authority comes from my own past of having done the work, of consistently showing up for myself, and in writing a new story for myself.

My Perseverance was learned from the stoicism and hard work of my upbringing. My Perseverance feels as if it is in my bones. No matter how hard life has been, I have never given up. No matter what life has brought me, I have persevered.

My Dynamism is innate; it’s in my DNA. I was born this way. I was so Dynamic as a child, and I didn’t fit the mould my mother had for me. I was wild and free and so Dynamic, always scampering around, climbing trees! I think my Dynamism came into this life with me.

We Must Come to Terms with Our Past

It is a sobering fact that our Gifts only emerge as we come to terms with our past, as we learn to forgive and accept those Shadow patterns that we may have inherited from our parents and grandparents.

The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

I can feel this happening the deeper I go into this work. Diving deep into my own Shadows, understanding myself, being radically honest with myself, has led me to forgiveness. Understanding my own Shadows has brought me compassion and forgiveness, especially for my mum, who did not have the opportunities nor the character to do this work the way I have and do. She was caught in the web of her own Shadows, but she didn’t know it, so they turned into festering sores of bitterness and resentment.

But underneath it all was pain and grief and fear. How could I continue to hold those same feelings towards her when I started (and continue) to do this work on myself. I had no choice but to forgive her, so that I might forgive myself.

I had no choice but to accept her Shadows, just as I was coming to accept my own.

It’s a tightly woven cloth that wraps around us, as we consider our parents and grandparents. We have to accept all, we have to forgive all. We can’t start picking out the threads we want to forgive or the whole fabric unravels. We are, whether we like it or not, tied to our heritage. And if we don’t accept that then we are going to waste so much precious energy, energy which could be spent on love and creativity.

This is not about me gaslighting myself. The shit was real! The pain and suffering I experienced because of my mum was real. I just choose to forgive it now. I choose to let it go, so that it doesn’t fester, the way hers did. 

It also doesn’t mean that I have to like my heritage. I have a choice. I can let it define me, or I can write my own story. My history may have brought me here, but I choose the path I walk. I choose the way I respond. I choose who I want to be.

And I can also honour the parts of my mum that deserve honouring. She survived. And all that pain and grief she felt was the flip side of love. There was love, there had to have been, or the pain would not have been so devastating for her.

We didn’t share any Gene Keys, but she did have weakness in her Attraction and IQ spheres, and I know that Shadow well. Have I not had to work with my own weakness on this journey of the Sage? My Evolution Sage Line is … dedicated intention and focus that embraces and works with weakness. I didn’t make this connection before, but suddenly, as I contemplate this idea of accepting the Shadows I inherited, it feels significant.

Inner Calm

I can feel a deep inner calm settling upon me, as I move into this Purpose sphere. I can feel my nervous system calming, as I go deeper on this journey. I am finding my own words soothing as I write in my journal every day. There is no more of that striving to fix things energy. I can feel myself getting more gentle with myself. I can feel myself slowing down. Even when it’s hard stuff I’m journaling on. Like forgiving my mum’s Shadows, it doesn’t feel harsh. I still feel the tremendous need to look deeper into her Shadow of Weakness, just as my Evolution invited me to look at my own.

This, where I am now, is the next part of me healing the mother wound … healing the Shadows I inherited from her. And I can only do this, if I am completely stable and calm.

That means leaning into the stillness inside me. That means pausing and simply being. Being gentle with myself. Being soft. Bringing mildness.

More pausing. More walking in nature. More softening.

Allowing my feminine spirit to hold me and lead me.

Finally, I AM Witnessing my Gift of Resourcefulness Coming Alive in my Body

We need to witness the Gift of our Purpose coming alive within our physical body rather than simply sensing it as a mental concept.
The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

Oh!! Resourcefulness! Yes, yes, yes!!! Am I witnessing Resourcefulness coming alive in my physical body? I think I’ve been seeing this for years; I just hadn’t identified that that was what was happening. 

All those years of keeping going, of working, of raising a child, of keeping a home together, of creating a garden … I did all of that with my Resourceful physical body. I was up against battles on mental and emotional planes, I was up against financial difficulties, I was up against physical difficulties … but I always found solutions, I always found a way through.

My physical Resourcefulness never let me down in the past. It won’t let me down now. Yes, my body is getting older; yes, I have physical ailments. But I love my physical body in a way I never have before. I treasure it. I am deeply grateful for it and to it.

And yes, it gets tired, but now I don’t push it. If my body is tired, then I rest. If my body needs care, I give it. I am having to remind myself of this over and over again, day after day.

Only through deep love and care for this physical body can I access all the Resourcefulness coursing through my veins.

The Physicality Brings More Core Stability

There is a great correspondence here between my Purpose and my Core Stability … My Purpose Gift of Resourcefulness is what brings even deeper Core Stability. And what brings Core Stability to the Gift of Resourcefulness? Trust! Always, it comes back to trust. Trust not only in my physical body itself, but trust that this vessel holds a well of wisdom, out of which will come every answer I seek. 

I have no choice but to trust in my own Resourcefulness. It is part of me. I know this. I have witnessed this.

I can trust this physical body. And I can trust all the wisdom she holds.

Resourcefulness as a Gift is incredible. It means I will always find a way through. It means I am not afraid of challenges because I trust that I will be able to pull the resources I need, to meet any challenge, from my magical backpack! 

Resourcefulness straightens my spine and makes me breathe deeply. Resourcefulness is my Core Stability, and my Core Stability is infinitely resourceful.

I am strong. I am a woman. I have all the gifts of love, compassion, kindness that come with the feminine.

But I am strong, like the oak.

And this strength means that I am ready for the next part of the journey.

*  Devoted was a 12-month deep dive into my Gene Keys Golden Path which I made in the company of 12 amazing women, and where we were guided by the amazing Gene Keys Guide, Hayley Curtis.

Usually with my essays, I choose the photographs at the end of the writing process. But, as I was putting this essay together from my journal pages, I chose the photographs as I went along. I just went with the emotions that came up as I formed each paragraph, and chose the right photograph in that moment. So, it’s a pretty eclectic mix, beaches and trees, Devon and Wiltshire and Shropshire. There are even a few photographs from my childhood, which I am obviously NOT the one taking the photographs!

If you’d like to see more of my photographs (the ones I take!!), you can find them on my Flickr page.