A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

This is a companion essay to Changing Direction and Making Mistakes.

Your life may sometimes read like a book of heroic mistakes.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat
Gene Key 21.3

In the Mythos for my Gene Key 21.3, which I have in my Radiance sphere, Richard Rudd talks about “heroic mistakes”. (Gene Key 21 is the Shadow of Control, the Gift of Authority, the Siddhi of Valour).

I had to laugh when I read that. I’m not sure how many of my mistakes could be considered “heroic”, but some were certainly of monumental, and “heroic” magnitude. I dug myself into so many holes, heroically digging myself deeper, instead of admitting there was no water in that well, and that I ought to clamber out and change my course.

I am not sure about “heroic”, but I was certainly a martyr of heroic proportions … I would marry myself to a course of action (or a relationship) and I would doggedly stay on that course, even when it caused me daily, growing, pain.

I could fill a book with the mistakes I’ve made.

I could fill it with characters I’ve tried to save, hero that I am. I could fill it with plot twists I’ve heroically tried to untangle, to make sense.

Was I a hero or a fool?

And is there even a difference?!

Am I Strong Enough to Own My Mistakes?

I am strong enough to own the mistakes I’ve made. I am able to admit when I was wrong. It might take me a while, but I do get there in the end. This is something I have learned to do through the deep introspection of the inner work.

Until I started this journey into myself, until I started being radically honest with myself, I would often turn to blame, when I saw a mistake had been made. I wouldn’t want to admit that I was wrong; to do so would mean that people would think less of me, that they wouldn’t want me around. And if I admitted to a mistake, then I would think less of me too!

To admit a mistake would be to hand myself a stick to beat myself with. Far easier then, to let my spikes spring out and blame someone … It was all my mum’s fault. It was all this person or that person’s fault. It was all the fault of that person who hurt me, deceived me, betrayed me.

And of course, the person at whose door the most blame was laid was me!

Pulling Down the Veil of Blame

Doing the inner work pulls down that veil of blame and makes you look at yourself. You start to get honest with yourself. You start to see the mistakes for what they were … wrong turns; situations where you didn’t have all the information to make a valid choice. Or mostly, you were simply doing the best you could at the time.

We none of us make mistakes deliberately. We were misguided, misinformed, misled. So many “MIS”es can lead to the ultimate MIStake.

But what if we guided ourselves? What if we informed ourselves? What if we led ourselves back onto the right path? Then the next “take” will be perfect!

We can make the next scene in the movie of our life count. We can make amends by being kind to ourselves, and gentle with ourselves. We can take a new path. We can get it right next time, even if we got it wrong in the past.

Life is so generous. She gives us so many chances, she gives us infinite chances. It is never too late to make amends; it is never too late to take a different road. It is never too late to say, I was wrong, I’m going to try something different.

A Colourful Life

“A colourful life is often one where much is learned.”
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat
Gene Key 21.3

Sometimes, I have cursed that colourful life of mine! I’ve wished that life could have been grey and uneventful, because then I wouldn’t have suffered so much pain and loss, then I wouldn’t have had to feel like the victim, beaten into submission, crushed beneath another’s boot.

Sometimes I’ve thought that a grey life in which nothing happens would be so much less tiring than this colourful life of mine, with its path strewn with boulders and blockages.

But would I really swap this life for any other?! No!! I most definitely would not! I have learned so much from the colour in my life, even from the purples of a bruised heart, and the angry reds of a face slapped by cruel circumstances.

And every colourful step, every brooding black sky, every turbulent blue-green sea, has brought me treasures I can learn from.

And every sore step on bruised and battered feet has brought me right here, to this word, on this page, to this realisation that my life must have been perfect because it led me right here, to this perfect moment, where I can sigh out a long breath of thanks that I am living my dream life … I am loved and I love; I am on a life-long, heart-opening inner journey, now with the map and compass of the Gene Keys; I am creative; I am of service to others when I share this work.

And I am so damn happy. I laugh in colour, I smile in colour, I live and love my whole life in the vibrant rainbow colours of dragonflies and butterflies, of jays and peacocks, of woodpeckers and flamingos. (I’ve got some wild colours in the Dream Arc creatures that populate my chart!).

The Secret to Happiness is to Learn from Our Mistakes

And I do learn from my mistakes!

I have learned much on this journey of mistakes, missteps and misalignments. I have learned to take my time. I have learned to be gentle with myself. I have learned to ask myself questions and get curious about where my enquiries take me.

I have learned to be patient. Like the great river that carves its path to the sea, this work, this journey, this learning, all take time. This is slow work (even when it feels incredibly fast, and breakthroughs fly at you like a shower of sparkling meteors), and I have learned it’s okay to take my time.

It’s also okay to go back to the beginning, to a new beginning, and start the learning journey over again, if that is where your heart tugs you.

I have learned there is no shame in making a mistake. What is it that Richard says in Gene Key 2? “There’s no such thing as making a mistake!” Even our mistakes are perfect, because they bring us to the next beautiful, perfect step.

This work with the Gene Keys is about staying open. Opening your mind, opening your heart. If you stay open, then even those huge, colourful, bruising mistakes you feel might kill you with their shame and guilt, can be borne. They can be learned from.

Considering Reconsideration (Again!)

Mastery of such a destiny comes about as we become a role model of kindness, considering the feelings of all those we touch, and still acting and communicating from the truth in our heart.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat
Gene Key 21.3

Ah! That sentence took me back to the Sage word … reconsideration … I hadn’t even been thinking of that meaning of “consideration”.

You know what comes next … yes! My Roget’s Thesaurus calls …

Consideration… quid pro quo, thought, attention, ideation, imagination, meditation, thoughtfulness, reflection, pondering, absorption, contemplation, retreat, mysticism, deliberation, attention, look, attend to, giving, bestowing, soft, reward, courtesy, respect, benevolence, kindness, ahimsa, love

Wow!! When you look at all the words tied up within “consideration”, it’s like reading my Gene Keys chart!

I must always come from the truth of my heart; there is no clearer path through life for me.

I must speak my truth.

I must live my truth.

I must be my truth

But never in a selfish way. Never in a way that says, “I’m alright over here, with my truth; I don’t care about you!”.

The word “consideration” is the beating heart of my Sage word here … “reconsideration”.

So, yes, I get to change my mind, and yes, I get to course correct and pivot and go in lots of different directions, striking new paths into the unknown. I get to learn from my mistakes and change direction.

But I must do it all with thought, with kindness, with love and respect. I must own my mistakes and make amends for them.

And then I must allow these great gifts and rewards I uncover on my path through life to be shared in myriad ways … in the words I share with the world, in the laughter I share with those I love, in the smiles and light I share with strangers. This is my way of making amends.

I must pay attention, my path through life is a serious business, but I can thread it gently, lightly, deliberately.

What pours out of me when I open my heart must be truth and light and love.

I must ask myself at every step … How can I bring more kindness here? Is there a benevolent decision I can make at this crossroads that will be for the good of all, not just for me? Have I given deep, thoughtful consideration to what ripple effects my decisions will have? Am I being true to myself? Am I considering other people’s feelings?

In looking at my Sage line through this lens of consideration as well as reconsideration, then whole worlds have opened up.

I see how my consideration is part of the service I am here to bring to the world. And I can only do that with radical self-honesty and learning from every step, every misstep and every single mistake.

I went with the theme of “roads” again for this essay, and used some shots from a year-long photography project I did back in 2015 … 12 Months of the Same Image … The road from Chisbury.

In this essay I used shots from January, March, May, July, September, November and December!