A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

Despite the fact that when I first entered the Evolution sphere in this iteration of the Golden Path with Richard Rudd and the Sage’s Journey, I felt kind of stuck, I have still managed to write an awful lot! I have already shared five essays about my Evolution Gene Key, and I haven’t even scratched the surface of the Gift (Perseverance) or the Siddhi (Honour)! There is so much that I want to share with you, but you’re going to have to wait for the book!

We have less than a week left here in the Evolution sphere, and I couldn’t let it finish without talking about my Line 1. I have realised, after three years and a lot of deep diving into my Gene Keys, that the Lines have so much power in them. They are more than just the flavour of the Gene Key, they are the essence of what you’re here to learn in that Gene Key.

At least, that’s how it feels to me. I also want to weave something really important into my words about my Line, and that is the deeply somatic nature of this work. Like my understanding of the Lines, coming to understand this work on a somatic level has utterly changed my life and my whole attitude to the inner work.

Line 1 – Self And Empowerment

Before I get into my contemplations on my Line 1, which in the Evolution sphere is “self and empowerment”, I want to share something which my wonderful guide, Hayley Curtis, writes about Line 1 energy. She talks about Line 1 in these terms …

Richard Rudd says of this Line 1, “Your outer role comes to life through the process of self-empowerment.”

Wow! That could be the defining sentence for me!! The defining sentence of me!!

I felt as if I had no outer role in the world before I became self-empowered. I was a shell that other people put their ideas into. I was an automaton that served others’ needs. I was this tiny, lost girl, so deeply buried inside myself, that it was all I could do to get through the days, to survive the onslaught of pain and struggle. That took all my energy. I was spent from building the walls to keep the outer world out, and there was nothing left of me to even perform an outer role. I was in a cage of perpetual fear and exhaustion; how could I even contemplate a role in the outer world?

And then came the inner work.

And then came years of self-reflection.

The True Work of Self-Empowerment Began

And then came the Gene Keys, and the true work of self-empowerment began.

It is only possible for me to contemplate that I might even have an outer role in the world, because I have slowly empowered myself.

I slowly tore down the walls of my internal prison, so that light could reach into me.

I began the slow process of building myself up, from the roots of my core stability, from the deep dark depths of the void.

And what did I find but more light!

Light that lives inside me. 

It’s been there all along.

And so, the light-filled, light-bathed being that I truly am slowly started to grow her power.

And the power allows me to grow into the outer role that I was always destined to play.

The role fits me, because it is me.

I am meant to be me, in my natural state. (I mean, who else could I be?!)

And me in my natural state is damn well empowered.

Being Empowered is Knowing that No one Can Empower or Disempower You.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

If only I had understood decades ago that no one outside myself can either empower or disempower me, then I would have been saved so much of the suffering and struggle!! But even if someone had told me, which in truth they did in the many years at the beginning of my inner work journey, when I was reading all these books about empowerment, I still had to learn it for myself. I had to walk this path, walk through those struggles, in order to get right here, to this life that I love so much.

I was seeking empowerment externally; I was looking for answers in books and teachers as to why I was struggling. I was looking externally for something or someone to fix me.

But the truth is, I wasn’t broken, I didn’t need fixing, certainly not by anyone external. What I needed was access to my own power.

Once I found it, once I discovered that I have access to that most valuable treasure of all … the truth that I hold everything I need inside me … answers, love, strength … then power rose naturally in me. It wasn’t power over anyone else; it wasn’t power over external circumstances. It was simply my power to be myself, in every moment of every day.

I am empowered because I dug deep and revealed it within myself.

And now it cannot be unseen. No matter what happens in my external world, the fire of my power cannot be quenched. It burns eternal. No one can take my power away, and I sure as hell am not handing it over to anyone else.

My Primary Challenge Revolves Around Inner Security

The Gene Keys I have in my chart are so scarily accurate that I sometimes think Richard Rudd is some kind of wizard, who has looked inside me to read my deepest thoughts and felt my deepest fears.

And the Lines are no exception … oh my goodness, the Lines ARE me!

This Line 1 here in my Evolution … Self and Empowerment … encapsulates my inner journey, the whole point of all of this work I have done, am doing, and will continue to do for the rest of my life.

This Line tells me that my primary challenge in life revolves around my inner security, and that is indeed what my life has been all about. Life brings challenge after challenge that make me feel insecure, unsafe, threatened. That place of fear, where I believe that at any moment someone or something will come along and pull the rug from under my feet, or maybe a more fitting metaphor would be to say that I lived in fear of something or someone pushing me over the edge, so that I fell into the abyss.

The Shadow of Struggle combined with this fear for my safety is a hard road to walk. Not only did I spend most of my life waiting for the next bad thing to happen, but I was also convinced that the next thing would be the straw that broke my back and send me hurtling into darkness.

But I have worked with this. I have come to this place again and again, to face the struggles, to sit with the fears for my own safety. And I have found that I am able to allow, accept and embrace it all. I cannot change the struggles I faced in the past, but I can see how they tempered me and strengthened me.

Attitude, Attitude, Attitude!

I can change my attitude from one of victim to one of student, learning how to be me, how to be human, by navigating struggle and turning it from quicksand to stepping stone.

Allow, accept, embrace, those tenets of the Art of Contemplation, they are an attitude.

And I have a choice over the attitude I take.

This Line 1 revolves around whether I feel self-assured or inadequate, and that is a choice I get to make.

Will I allow the struggles to disempower me, to take away my sense of security, and make me feel inadequate for not being able to fix them?

Or will I take a self-assured stance, and allow the struggles in knowing that I am standing on the solid ground of my core stability?

I choose self-assured! Every damn time now!

Inadequacy was a cloak I wore for decades. My feelings of inadequacy feed the insecurity, they feed the victim a story that she was weak.

My feelings of inadequacy made me believe it was my fault that so many bad things happened in my life, as if all that loss and death and grief could possibly have been caused by me!

Self-assurance tells me I am strong. It tells me I am capable. And it tells me I am safe, no matter the external circumstances.

Self-assurance knows that I carry my safety inside me.

Courage and Authenticity

You will need to live your life with courage and authenticity in order to discover the wisdom embedded in the very fibres of your bones.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path

It is music to my ears, to read these words about wisdom being embedded in the very fibre of my bones. There is so much truth for me in my Gene Keys chart. My Shadows are a map of my struggle and wounding patterns. To know that these Line 1s that I have in my Life’s Work and Evolution keys are maps of my own wisdom is so liberating. I do not need to go seeking wisdom or validation externally. I have it all right here, inside me.

All I have to do is live courageously. Face my struggles and my challenges without fear; know that I am safe.

All I have to do to access my innate wisdom is to be myself, my authentic, natural self. That requires me to be completely honest with myself, about myself.

I have to sit with the fears that I am weak or inadequate; I have to sit with the fear that the next struggle might break me; I have to know that I am not weak, and that struggle will not break me.

I am strong.

I am resilient.

I am wise.

I can choose to trust in life and myself.

I can choose to trust that I will always find the answers I seek right here, inside me. Like the Dream Arc Rhino of my Gentle Perseverance here in Gene Key 38, I am armoured by my own being, and I carry my safety and security with me at all times.

Fear is the Most Consistent Block to My Creative Service

The Gene Keys concept of service is so beautiful … we are all here to be of service to the whole. But with that service, comes great responsibility. We are asked by the Gene Keys teachings to step up to the plate, to give, with no expectation of receiving anything in return. We are asked to be selfless in our service of the collective.

My fear that I am not doing enough to be of service can be a huge block for me.

My fear that I am simply not good enough, creative enough, wise enough. All of these “not enough” fears block me from simply being myself.

And the irony here is that it is in me being simply and authentically me, that I am able to be of more service.

So, I must trust … myself and the Gene Keys … and I must remember that I am able to dive deep into myself and bring forth the words that might help others. It’s why I am writing this essay. It’s why I have the Cauldron of Crones website with Meghan. It’s why I show up in GKU and social media … so that I may be of service, so that all of these words that come bubbling up form the depths of me are not for nothing, and they’re certainly not just for me. They are hands reached back to other women on the path. They are stepping stones. They are lights in the darkness. I know that everyone has to walk their own path and do the work for themselves, but my dearest wish is to be of service to others by showing them the path that I have walked, that it may encourage them to make this inner journey themselves.

And of course, the antidote to the fear that I might not be enough is love! Do what I love, and I can do no wrong. Dig into the interests I love, and I can’t go astray

Doing this inner work is what interests me. Finding my own wisdom and treasure buried deep in my inner world, then bringing it to the outer world in my words is what interests me. I am already doing this. I hope that I am already being of creative service.

I give myself time and space each day to engage in creativity. (That is some of Richard’s Sage advice for this Line 1 of mine, and I love that I already do this!)

This is what my writing is for me. This is not only inner work, but it is also creative expression. This is who I am. I cannot imagine a life where I am not writing every day. I cannot imagine a life where I am not sharing my words. I cannot imagine a life where I am not doing the inner work in this creative way every day.

Empowering Myself Allows Me to Empower Others

As you unlock your gifts, you will naturally inspire others to find their inner resources and thus empower themselves.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path

This!! This is why I share my work. This is why I tell my story. This is why I do what I do … in GKU, on the website, on social media. This is what I’m meant to do. And I know as I unlock more and more of my gifts, I do inspire people. I know that I am inspiring the 2026 Devoted Women. I know that I am inspiring the women in GKU. I know that I am inspiring women to want to tell their stories. I know that I am inspiring women to want to share their truths.

This is why I am doing all this outer work. Not for money, not for accolades, but so that I can inspire other women to make the inner journey. I do all this outer work, so that I can inspire other women to pick up a pen and start journaling.

This is why I cannot stop. I have to keep going, digging deeper, visiting my gifts again and again, so that I have more to share, and more to give.

Line 1 Finds Safety in Knowing

That pressure to know which epitomises the Line 1 in my Evolution, actually runs all through my chart. It is in the Shadow of my Purpose GK of Inadequacy; it’s in the Shadow of my Attraction key of Intellect; and it’s in the next Shadow of my Radiance – Control.

All of these Shadows fool me into thinking that the more I know, the more facts and information I accumulate, the safer I will be.

My Shadow of Control wants to gather knowledge so that it calls the shots.

My Shadow of Inadequacy wants to accumulate as much knowledge as possible so that I won’t be labelled stupid.

My Attraction Shadow of Intellect thinks I’ll attract a protector, if only I am smart enough.

Wrong. Wrong. And wrong!!

The Genius that lies within this Line 1 in my Evolution and Life’s Work is that I don’t need to accumulate external facts and knowledge, because all that I need is sourced from within. I have an infinite well of wisdom inside me, which is much more reliable than external facts and “proofs” which can be bent and manipulated to meet other people’s needs.

The wisdom I source from within is not subject to the vagaries of external influence. It’s true. It’s wholesome. It’s the essence of me.

And when I can trust it, when I can trust my own inner knowing over the so-called facts of the external world, then a miraculous thing happens … I stabilise from the inside out. I become my own solid ground. I become my own safe harbour.

And then I can truly move through the world with the relaxed confidence that is the hallmark of a Line 1 in her power.

I do not need anyone else to fix things (or me!). I do not need proof from external sources that I am good enough. I only need to look into my own heart to see the warrior who lives there.

My inner warrior is ever vigilant. She keeps me safe. I am my own white knight!

And that is such a different way of looking at life and at myself than the old paradigm I existed in.

My Line 1 may mean that I am the perpetual loner, walking her own path, making her own way, and that can sometimes lead to loneliness; but it also means that I have infinite resources inside myself.

It means that I am safe.

Sage Line/Acupuncture

Your Evolution line acts like an energetic needle, creating a point in the field where your capacity to hold complexity begins to thread through your life. This is the first layer of metabolising Shadow: noticing where you contract, react, or resist, and letting awareness settle in the body first.
Richard Rudd, The Sage’s Golden Path

My Sage line for my Gene Key 38.1 here is … Sincerity – dedicated intention and focus that embraces and works with weakness.

“Dedicated intention and focus” are definitely my energetic needle point!! For decades I have been bringing my focus to this inner work. For decades I have been working on these Shadows, long before the Gene Keys came into my life. What has happened with the Gene Keys is that the needle point has become so much more precise, homing in on the Shadows with the deftest touch. The language of the Gene keys has allowed me to be laser focused on my shadows, it has opened up new avenues of understanding. And I can see now, three years into this Gene Keys work, that I am indeed focusing in on my body; that the Gene Keys bring this work right into my body in a way that I have not experienced before, even in the days when I was writing page after page after page every day.

The Gene Keys have brought my attention and intention to my body. It starts with breathing. So many of my Gene Keys are about the breath, and all of the Gene Keys teachings bring our focus to the breath. We bring our focus to drawing our breath deep into our body, down to the One Point in our belly.

I always knew that this was an issue for me, that deep breathing, slow breathing, have been hard for me. Working with my Gene Keys, I can see where this comes from. That holding of the breath, that tightness in my chest that used to stop my breath reaching my belly, that is my Shadow of Constriction right there.

But it is really all of my Gene Keys! Again and again, they invite me to breathe.

I didn’t really get it, or at least, I wasn’t able to do anything about it, first time around my chart. I was definitely stuck in the mental plane. But something shifted for me in Devoted. I brought my Gene Keys right into my body. My breath started to come more easily, my spine became straighter, and so the work flowed more easily through me.

Now, with the Sage’s journey, it has become a full body experience. I am bringing more and more attention to my body, I am bringing more and more focus to my breathing, I am opening my chest and straightening my spine. I am slowing down. “… embraces and works with weakness” … I am trying to bring this focus into my body too. I have clothed my weakness in armour, like my own inner armour (which, in my imagination, is made of leather, not metal, a worn, turquoise leather, that breathes with my body!), I am bringing weakness out of my head and down into my body; I am giving her a body, so that we can stand together.

The Somatic Nature of the Work

I am approaching the Sage’s journey as a somatic experience … walking, breathing, the Activation meditations that bring my focus to my breath, tapping that brings the attention fully into my body.

It all comes back to learning to breathe more slowly and to breathe more deeply; it all comes back to slowing all the way down into the work.

This is the somatic nature of the Sage’s journey for me, this focus on my breathing, this slowing down.

And as a Line 1, that means just continually going deeper and deeper and deeper still. I really love that now I feel as if I have truly moved into the embodying phase. Not that I am saying I am some sort of magical, realized aware being, but rather that I am bringing the work into my body.

This work is not just happening in my mind and in my emotions, it’s happening on a cellular level. It’s happening in my bones and in my blood and in my breath. Breath is so important. The importance of the breath and the importance of my spine being straight, runs through so many of my Gene Keys, and I think it’s no coincidence that this is happening now, in my Evolution key.

It is as if a veil has fallen away over the last year or so. This inner work is not just about “sorting my head out”, it’s about embodying healing; it’s about embracing my Shadows with my whole body; allowing them to live there; it’s about breathing with them.

A Whole Body Experience

The Sage’s journey is a full body experience.

The Shadows aren’t mental constructs; they live in my cells.

The Gifts aren’t dreams or ideas, they are the treasure that sits in the void of my belly. The Siddhis aren’t other-worldly, out-of-body experiences, they are in the seeds inside the cells.

I hold all of my Gene Keys, each aspect of them all, inside my body. This is what Richard means (for me anyway) when he says my capacity to hold complexity begins to thread through my life. I can do that; I can hold the complexity because I am the complexity. I am the whole universe, inside my body. I am connected to all things, to the whole of Gaia.

And I come into harmony and resonance with the whole through my breath, through my body, through literally embodying every Gene Key, in every cell of my body.

When I focus on my Gene Keys, which this Line 1 continually asks me to do, I feel them in my body, I feel them in my bones and my pulsing bloody; I feel them in my breathing. Line 1 is all about being in my body.

My Gene Keys have become so much more than mental constructs.

I breathe them in like oxygen.

I feel them pulse in my veins.

They are me, my body, my mind, the whole of me.

And I am them.

All of the photographs I have used in this essay are macro shots of insects and snails and one teeny arachnid on various flowers and grasses (and a web!). As I was trying to choose photographs for this Line 1, which is so internal, I really wanted to use some macro shots … zooming in on the subject … a bit like Line ! As I looked through my macros, it just felt right to choose insects (and snails and spiders!). I don’t know why! But that’s what my heart wanted. If you’d like to see more of my photographs, you can find them on my Flickr page.