There’s a wonderful thing that Richard Rudd says about Gene Key 48, which is my Purpose key …

This Key is an invitation to enter into the abyss - realising that the abyss will treat you with gentleness, not hatred. As you enter the void/the abyss you allow the inner structures of support to emerge from within you.
As you learn to trust that an answer will always emerge at the right moment in your life, your sense of fear and anxiety gradually begin to fade.

Wow! That’s pretty huge … to trust that an answer will always emerge.

It’s so huge, that it’s almost too big to believe. But the deeper I go on this inner journey, the more trust I am finding within myself, even when I find that my Gifts are hidden beneath layers of self-doubt, beneath layers of inadequacy.

You see, my Gifts have been buried … under layers of derision and judgement, under layers of victimhood.

My Gifts are scary, because what if it turns out that I am not good enough to live up to these Gifts … Dynamism, Perseverance, Authority, and this 48^th Gift of Resourcefulness? What if I’m just not bloody good enough?

So, they’re buried under layers of fear too. My Gifts are so deeply buried under all these layers, that it’s going to take a major shift to allow me to access them.

And that shift is fuelled by trust.

If I can truly trust myself, if I can look into the well and trust that there is more than darkness there, if I can trust that by dropping through the darkness willingly, then I will come to a place of light.

If I can trust myself then I will find the treasures buried deep inside me. And the treasures are Gifts. The gift of love, the gift of compassion, and, wonderfully, the gift of more trust than I would ever have believed possible … a self-fulfilling prophecy … trust brings more trust. Just like love brings more love.

The gift of beauty lies there too, true beauty, the beauty that makes the sun shine out from the inside.

The beauty of creation.

If I could just let go and trust that all my Gifts, like all of my answers, are already there, nestled deep inside me, then I would be able to access them. I would be able to pick up my pen and write my truths down. I would be able to create art that touches people.

I would be able to reach my hand out to another and draw her up.

And then I would set in motion ripple effects, for if each woman who accessed the truths within her were to reach back, and help another woman to do the same, then we would change the world.

Putting My Bucket Down the Well

“The wonderful thing about the Gift of Resourcefulness is that it is self-fulfilling. Each time the bucket comes up out of the well, it contains exactly what is needed at that particular moment.”

So, by trusting that I will always find the answer, the answer will come?! Wow!

The well must be infinite, for there are an infinite number of questions, there will be an infinite number of times in my life when I am going to need to look inside me for answers.

My life’s path has provocations and struggles to bring me, so there is no end to the opportunities for growth that life will bring me.

So, it follows that there can be no end of answers inside me.

Like the well that accesses the underground river that brings all the water of life, the well and the underground river in me will bring me the wisdom and the truths I need.

They cannot run dry. They are eternal.

The more I dig into the Gene Keys and into myself, this idea of trust is the one thing that is always present the whole way through. It is our ultimate challenge that becomes our ultimate caretaker. It’s the thing that we fear the most that is the thing that will wrap us up in warmth the most … it’s this trust, this surrender.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

… from If by Rudyard Kipling

Is that not exactly what the Gene Keys are gifting me, as I travel deeper on this path … trust?!

Trust in life, but most of all trust in myself.

And I do trust myself. And that trust grows deeper every day, that trust wraps itself around me like the softest chain-mail, so that even if there are barbs and arrows of doubt thrown at me by others, they do not penetrate my trust.

And it’s okay for others to doubt me. That’s their business, not mine. It’s not my job to MAKE other people trust me and believe in me; it’s my job to do that for myself and let the ripples wash out. Others’ opinions don’t affect my trust in myself.

Why Trust is at the Heart of All of Our Great Adventures

When I trust, then I am open, and I am safe.

Trust is what allows me to access my own truths. 

Trust is what opens me to the infinite possibilities of life.

Trust sets me free. That prison of fear and self-loathing that I lived in for so long was built out of a lack of trust. I thought I was making myself safe from all the untrustworthy people in the world, but all I was actually doing was closing the doors on myself, cutting myself off from all the wonders Life has to offer, cutting myself off from my own infinite potentiality.

I wasn’t “safe”, I was stranded, I was alone, and I was frightened all the time about what might break down my barricades and hurt me.

When I trust, I dismantle those barricades from the inside out, I step out into the open, and I am safe.

And where does that trust start?? With ME!!

My life is calling on me to trust myself, to trust that I am good enough. I am being called to trust what is coming out of my depths, out of my heart, on this journey.

To trust that I am worthy.

To trust that I really am good enough.

To trust that I am capable.

To trust that it’s safe to share what is coming up out my depths.

To trust ME.

Only through trust can I open my heart.

Unfathomable … Such a Wonderful Gene Keys Word!

This Gene Key 48 is all about the deep Well that exists within us … the Well where our true self and our true wisdom dwells.

The 48th Gene Key is quite simply beyond human understanding. It is a portal to the infinite, and there is nothing like infinity to raise the spectre of inadequacy in the human mind!
The original Chinese name for this archetype is The Well. When you look down the well, you have no idea how deep it is or what lies at the bottom. The 48th Gift is like the bottomless black hole. It is the primal fear of the feminine and was enacted in archetypal form during the great witch hunts that took place across Europe during the Middle Ages.
Richard Rudd, The Activation Sequence

This well is unfathomable.

“Unfathomable” … without end. Infinite. Limitless. Eternity.

These are some of the words that come to my mind.

What does that mean for me, here, now?

It means that the Well, the Great Unknown, within me is infinite, a well of infinite possibilities. The only constraints are those I put upon myself.

If the Well within me is unfathomable, it means that it is deep; deeper than just me, so deep that it plunges beyond me, into the heart of the earth.

And that unfathomable well holds all the wisdom of the world, holds all the love; it is the infinite space in which everything IS, everything CAN BE, everything WILL BE … if only I can let go and allow myself to fall into its depths.

This Gene Key is inviting me into the ultimate “trust fall”, to plunge into this unfathomable darkness and to know that I will be held, that I will be safe.

Hayley Curtis, my friend and guide, reassured me that “The void is warm, loving and bursting with light”.

Oh, yes!! THAT is how I want to feel. I want to stop being afraid of the void. It’s not empty, I am not empty. I am filled with wonder and awe, and if I can dive into the void with that wonder wrapped around me, ready and eager to find the diamonds in my own depths, then I am safe.

I don’t need to be afraid of what Life brings, because I have this Well of infinite possibilities inside me. I have all the wisdom and answers I need right here, inside me.

I am my own Lady of the Lake, I am my own wise woman, I am my own guardian.

I have an infinite well of strength and wisdom to call on.

Hayley also told me this …

“The well is FULL of diamonds and secrets. YOU are full of diamonds and secrets.”

I can keep being scared, or I can trust that everything is as it should be. I can trust myself.

I am being called to trust that this truly is the purpose of my life … to move through my own feelings of inadequacy and find the wisdom deep inside me that will not only heal me, but which will wash out in ripples to help other women. You see, even though the inner work is deeply personal, and we do have to walk this path by ourselves, I have felt for so long that I am meant to share this work that I am doing. It feels like the obvious thing for me to do, to say to all the beautiful women in this space …

“Here is my journey, here is my story, here are the things I have found, and just imagine what you could find out, if you were to walk this inner path!”

So, this Gift of Resourcefulness is all about trust. Trusting life and trusting yourself to always find the answers within. For me that means trusting that I can fall into the well of wisdom within me and that I don’t need to be afraid of the unknown, for out of the deep recesses of the unknown inside me, comes all the truth and all the wisdom I will ever need.

“As you learn to trust that an answer will always emerge at the right moment in your life, your sense of fear and anxiety gradually begin to fade. The wonderful thing about the Gift of Resourcefulness is that it is self-fulfilling. Each time the bucket comes up out of the well, it contains exactly what is need at that particular moment.

Each of us will have to look deeply into this primal fear of inadequacy if we are to make the great leap that now lies before us”

Richard Rudd, The Activation Sequence

Hell YES!!! That’s what I want … to take a great leap into the unknown; to dive deeper into myself every day; to rise higher; to be more ME!

It’s time.

I have to trust, I have to say yes to life, then leap into the unknown.

I have hidden away from the world long enough.

I know that I can help other women on their journeys home to themselves, by being completely honest about my own journey. I know that I need to stop doubting my own wisdom and start trusting that the right thing will come up out of the well at the right time for someone to hear it.

It feels like it is my duty. It feels as if I have a duty as a woman who has come through the fire, to reach back my hand and help other women through. If, by sharing my own story, I can show women the profound truths we can find out about ourselves if we trust the safety of our inner work, of our journaling practice, of whatever form our inner work takes, then it will be a good thing that I have done with my life.

I knew that I had to face that Shadow of Inadequacy and make the leap anyway.

Human beings as a rule have no idea of their true capabilities.
Richard Rudd

Our brain is the most complex and intricate entity on the planet. It is more powerful than any computer. We have so much potential. We can do all these incredibly complicated things, and at the same time we can feel … love, empathy, compassion, trust, fear, anger. Layer emotions onto the complexities of the human brain and you create something that is so much more than the sum of those parts.

Then, link one human to another and another and another, and the potential for what we can conceive of, and do, and create, just grows exponentially.

I think that what we can do is infinite. I think that there are whole layers of being which we can’t even imagine at this present time. I think that as more and more people connect, then that synergetic net of potentiality just gets bigger and bigger, with more and more layers.

I feel as if I have so much more to find out about myself, and as I grow and develop as a person, then the more of my own untapped resources will arise from my depths.

And it’s okay that I don’t know the answer to what untapped resources live within me, it’s okay that sometimes I am scared that I’m not good enough. I just have to be brave enough, I just have to trust myself enough to peel back the next layer. Then another layer. Then another. And with each layer I peel back, the unknown gets to be a little less scary; and the Shadow of Inadequacy gets to be a place where I can dig for diamonds, rather than the dark and forbidding place it used to be.

I am sure that this is something I will continue to uncover for the rest of my life. Who knows what diamonds I will find when I’m journaling in my 80s and 90s?! The synergy of what I am already uncovering as I do this work with the Gene Keys is literally blowing my mind. It brings this whole new light to shine on my own excavations, and I go off in directions I didn’t even know existed. And with every step I take, the more adequate I choose to feel, and the more capable I become.

Are you willing to look deeply into your primal fear of inadequacy?

Are you ready to make the great leap into the unknown?

Are you ready to trust life?