Following on from The Epic Tale of My Activation Sequence, I’d like to tell you the story of my journey through the Venus Sequence. This has been life changing for me. Going through my Venus Sequence for a second time has been incredible; I have gone deeper than I ever have before; I have journeyed into the deep wounding of my childhood; I have held my relationships close and found such treasures in them.

And I have had breakthroughs that have changed my life. So much has shifted in me, so much has been healed, I have grown into the woman I was destined to be.

I did not want to forget anything! I did not want all of these glorious insights and breakthroughs to slip away. I NEED to remember all of this.

So, I’m writing this story, and the images are ones I created and put into my Art Journal, to remind me of the lessons I was learning as I travelled this glorious Venus Stream.

All the way through the Activation Sequence, as I was sinking my roots deep into the earth with my growing Core Stability, I was feeling my heart open more and more. And I was feeling so much more love for myself than I’d ever felt before.

I felt as if I was walking into the Venus Stream with my heart and my mind wide open.

I felt as if I had truly begun to embrace my feminine crone energy. This was a whole new paradigm for me, this feeling of being in my crone energy. And one of the most glorious things about it, was that I was feeling so much delight about it. Crone energy is so deeply feminine, she is the woman who sees beyond, she is “the one who sees far, who looks into the spaces between the worlds”; and I really, really loved that. (Who knew that 4 months later, I would be creating this Cauldron of Crones with Meghan!!).

Purpose

I have come to see that my Purpose Gift of Resourcefulness is magical, and it is the Gift that means I can do ANYTHING. It is my superpower. It is my infinite well of Wisdom.

Richard Rudd says of this Gift, “We need to ask not what we might do, but what CAN’T we do. We can do anything we put our heart into. It’s about connecting others with their own depth.”

That is a pretty amazing Gift to have! It shifts me onto a higher plane, because it lifts me out of the mire of the Shadow; it straightens my spine and makes me lift my head, and face the sun. It changes my internal energy from that sludge of not feeling good enough, into a vibration of empowerment.

I CAN do anything. I can do anything that my heart desires!

I just have to look at this year of being in the Devoted group container. I am still doing my full-time job. I am still present in my marriage. I am still cooking and cleaning and shopping and gardening. I am still being creative.

But because of this Gift of Resourcefulness, I am able to also commit wholeheartedly to Devoted, to doing the meditations every day, to journaling every day, to attending every retreat and call in my time zone.

And I am in a state of devoted contemplation about the Gene Key that we are in the whole damn time. It runs like a vein, pulsing life blood through me, under my every thought and action.

I entered the Venus stream feeling hyper-aware of my Gift of Resourcefulness flowing through me too. Because this Gift of Resourcefulness tells me that I CAN do it, I can do ANYTHING. And the glorious thing is, what this Gift also tells me is that we can ALL bring this level of devotion, if we tune into our own inner resourcefulness.

Because I absolutely believe that it IS there in all of us, just as all the Gene Keys are in all of us.

If we choose to open our hearts and fall into our own well of wisdom within, then we will find that resourcefulness IS there, just waiting to give us the strength, resilience and capacity to do anything! To commit fully … to the Gene Keys, to Devoted, to life, and to ourselves.

Dharma

I have come into deep acceptance of my Dharma. This has meant that I have released so much resentment and anger that I used to hold for the hand I had been dealt.

I have come to understand that my life has been perfect to teach me what I needed to learn … that the path I have walked has been perfect to lead me here, to my glorious, perfectly imperfect present.

And I have learned that even my heritage was perfect … the family I was born into, which for decades felt so alien to me, was exactly the family I needed in order to become who I am, in order to grow and to accept my prime gifts.

Attraction

In my Attraction, I really learned about respect. I looked at my close relationships in a whole new way. I am here on this journey for MY transformation … I am not here to change anyone else, or to have expectations about them or their particular paths through life. I really opened myself to the concept of returning non-love with love.

This is where I learned that everything is a ME problem! That was fucking mind-blowing for me and has brought me to a completely new understanding of not only my GENE KEY of 62, but also of the Attraction sphere itself. Actually, it feels as if it’s changed my whole life!! There is no more need nor space for blame or shame or guilt. Understanding that EVERYTHING IS A ME PROBLEM is how I take radical responsibility for my life, my decisions, my choices, and myself.

Life brings me what I need! I get it!! I get what dharma is. I get it on a physical level. It’s like the understanding of dharma has dropped from my mind into my body, and oh, there is such sweet relief in that. The Law of Unseen Grace … what’s right in front of me IS exactly what I need right now. So again, I get to see that in every situation, there is no need for blame or shame or guilt.

Seeing how my Shadow of Intellect is just my Desire nature at work … desiring all the facts and knowledge, desiring control, desiring to be right. I feel as if I’ve only just started to peel this back. I think that there are many more layers of desire that I will continue to peel back as I continue this work. And every layer I remove cleans that mirror a little bit more! At the root of all desires is my desire to feel safe. Eventually my mirror will be so clean that I’ll see the truth everywhere I look …

that I already AM safe!

I started to truly differentiate between drama and dharma. Drama is a cacophony of white noise … the space between the stations on a radio dial.

Dharma is precise, a clear note a stillness inside.

I learned so much about the nature of desire, and that gave me so many insights into myself. Oh, the ease and freedom of knowing that Life brought me what I needed, in order for me to become the woman I was always destined to be! I finally saw that my heart must stay open, and that if must always come first, before my mind!

IQ

Something truly incredible happened when I moved into my IQ Gene Key.

These years were a period of deep unhappiness in my life, which left me feeling unloved, unsafe, unimportant. Like I was nothing, nobody. I was so closed off that no one could reach me. I was in hyper defensive mode, and it was all someone else’s fault … mainly my mum’s … SHE made me feel worthless and unloved. Oh, there was so much blame. And all the time, my mind ran riot. Why me? My mind was in charge.

This Gene Key for me is all about living behind those glass walls that I erected in these teenage years of my IQ. I listen to other people talk about their teenage years and I feel as if I was from a different species. I was always so separate from everyone, from life.

It wasn’t just my mind that was closed.

Everything was closed.

I was in a glass box that constricted every part of me.

I wanted to still be running wild and free, like the girl I was before my dad died; but that girl was gone, crushed under the weight of all that glass. She couldn’t break out.

I would not be right here, right now, on this path, with these relationships and this fractal, without the path I’ve walked, without the heritage I had. And it may have been painful, but the sword of my brand was forged in that fire of pain.

This is my Dharma. This is my story. But I get to write the script. I get to choose how I react. Do I remain in that teenage victim mind? Or do I bring forgiveness to my mum and to myself, and let it go?

Do I open my heart to the possibility that I can love and forgive her, or do I stay closed and  bitter, nursing my wrath?

There is really no choice.

“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” Hayley Curtis

And the big shift that happened here was in changing the way I looked at my relationship with my mum. Everything shifted when I realised that as a teenager, I was being parented by an “ungraduated teenager” (thank you to Hayley for that phrase!). My mum was a wounded teenager, trying to raise a wounded teenager.

That blew my mind and this massive shift happened, a breakthrough that literally changed everything.

I forgave my mum. I was flooded with compassion for her. All the blame and anger and resentment simply melted away.

And in that breakthrough came a massive shift in my attitude to myself. I forgave myself. I found compassion and love for my teenage self, where before there had only been pain and darkness and fear.

My teenage self was so afraid and so closed off, and suddenly she felt safe to open her heart. I dismantled the barriers I’d had around my heart for nearly 50 years. Just like that. (Of course, it wasn’t “just like that” <snaps her fingers> … this was nearly 30 years of inner work that got me here!)

I was accessing boundless love and it was incredible.

The bubble of fear and lack of safety just burst, and I was able to see just how amazing my teenage self was.

I am here now.

I am becoming the woman I was always meant to be.

I am freeing myself from the shackles of my past, and in freeing myself, I can see it was all exactly as it had to be to lead me here. Now.

Accepting my dharma and my karma doesn’t mean I have to like it. But accepting it frees up the space and the energy to bring in more love.

I love my teenage self. She was so fucking strong. She survived in a land barren of love, but it didn’t dry her out. She kept love beating in her heart, even if it was so fucking deeply buried behind her defences that she couldn’t even see or senses it.

I am who I am meant to be and I grew out of that teenager, even though she didn’t believe in herself or feel herself worthy of love. She fucking was … worthy of love, and so incredibly strong. I grew out of her. She didn’t know it, but she was fucking magnificent.

All you need to know is that as long as you experience yourself as separate from life - as long as you feel the strength and wonder of your individuality - vanity will still be there, quietly keeping pace with you. It is only late in your evolution, as you approach the highest frequencies of the Siddhis that vanity will finally and suddenly release its hold on you.

The Venus Sequence

EQ

I carried those feelings into my EQ, the feeling so forgiveness, of safety, of expansiveness. The feeling of there being nothing to defend.

I felt the flow of unconditional love.

These EQ years held so much pain and confusion for me, because it was when my dad died. But it was also a time of incredible happiness and joy and freedom. I had this amazing imagination in these EQ years. And it was so good to tap back into that, to find this love within myself for 8 year old me. She was pretty fucking awesome.

Otter came to play with me in this part of my Venus journey, reminding me to play and delight in life!

This was when I really felt the power of the mother wound. This was when I realised that the mother wound ran all the way through my entire Venus stream. Healing this wound has been profound. Healing this wound is something I am still working on and probably will be working on for my whole life.

But here is another child-self I get to love and celebrate.

I was effervescent.

I was dynamic.

I was a special girl, who didn’t know it at the time, but who gets to know it NOW, to believe it NOW.

To FEEL it now.

I AM ALIVE.

I AM VIBRANT.

I am all my ages, and this EQ age? Shit! It WAS something special!

I am safe to feel my emotions.

My heart is a giant cavern full of love.

One of the most glorious emotions I remember feeling during this period of my life was the exhilaration and sheer joy when my dad took me hill climbing for the first time. Standing above the clouds with him, watching a pure white arctic hare leaping across a snow field, is my first and best memory of pure joy. I can feel it now, as I write. And I felt it then. And it was incredible. I wanted to live my life like that! 

SQ

Shifting into the SQ was epic! It was all about love. And all this love that was literally flooding my life, its foundation was in the love I have for myself. I finally felt worthy of love. The healing of the mother wound continued. My deep understanding of what true freedom is just kept growing.

True freedom lives in a boundless joy for life and I felt that during the SQ journey.

Meghan and I birthed this website out of this boundless joy.

In the SQ, I found so much forgiveness.

In fact, forgiveness was a thread that ran through the whole of the Venus journey.

It started in IQ, with the first layer of forgiveness for my mum; it continued through my EQ, as I confronted the way my mum withdrew completely from me, and I found so much forgiveness and compassion for her spontaneously bubble up inside me. And it continued into the SQ, as I found forgiveness as a gentle bubbling spring come up from deep inside me.

The SQ was also a great UN-learning of all the false beliefs imprinted on me … I got to unlearn the false belief that I wasn’t worthy of love.

My SQ Gift is Freedom, which is also the Siddhi, so I get a double helping of Freedom here in my SQ!

I feel like Freedom is the perfect Gift for my inner child to have. When I think about my innocent child, I think about her as this wild, free little spirit, running around the fields, climbing trees, making potions. I was fearless. I was one with the woods and the hills and the rivers and the sea. I was free like thistledown blowing in the wind. I was like a fairy child, with this wild imagination.

When I was a child in my SQ years, I had so much freedom. I felt safe on the farm where I lived. I would wander around the farm buildings and fields in a state of bliss. I loved the space and freedom I had. I wasn’t scared of anything. I would climb trees, play on the highest haystacks, wander through herds of cattle and pigs, ride on the trailers of tractors. And I would spend hours and hours alone, no one minding me, no one looking out for me, and I was never scared.

Freedom is the perfect Gift for my spiritually-connected inner child because one of the amazing things about the intelligence of young children is how they live in the moment. They haven’t had the concepts of time, of regret for the past, or fear for the future, stamped on them. They truly live in the here and now. They’re free. Isn’t that freedom of the child what we all want to get back to? The freedom to be fully present in each moment.

My innate Gift of Imagination that is in my EQ just enhances my Gift of Freedom. When I was that wild child, I lived in imaginary worlds. I grew up on a farm, with so much time on my own, and so much freedom. There were books (the library was one of my favourite places in the town), and there was no TV!! It was all in my head. I created the most wonderful worlds in my head. Every day was a great adventure. Every day I was something, someone, new. I was wild and free. I was like an animal, I was untamed, and I was curious, I was an explorer. I was limitless. I want to be her again. I want to be free and wild and limitless.

My innocent, big hearted, spiritually-connected inner child knew, without anyone telling her, that true freedom lay inside her, in that wild imagination, in her fearlessness. She knew in her heart that true freedom has nothing to do with external circumstances, true freedom isn’t bound by circumstance or geography or society. True freedom lives in a boundless joy for life.

I had so much in those first seven years, and I am grateful for that. I had more freedom and beauty in those years than some people have in a whole lifetime. 

Richard Rudd says of this Gift … “Freedom is to experience life through spaciousness and lightness. It is to be lighter than air! To live as you were intended” … And isn’t that exactly what it’s like to be that innocent, big-hearted inner child?! Lighter than air. That was me in my SQ years. I was like a fairy child, with this wild imagination. I was free like thistledown blowing in the wind. I was free like a river flowing over rocks. I was free like waves crashing on a beach. I was free.

Core Wound

At the end of the Venus Stream is the Core Wound. By the time I reached here, EVERYTHING had changed … I had arrived! I was stepping to my Gift of Leadership with a wide open heart.

I have become the woman I was born to be.

All of these words that pour out of me come from the Void inside me. I do not go looking for the words I share with the world …

I go looking for myself.

I go looking for the wounded child inside me.

I go looking for the woman I was born to be.

I go looking for my own truth.

The words that bubble up and out onto the page as a result of diving into my inner Void ARE the by-product of the exploration, they are neither the journey nor the goal.

These words that I share as my outer work in the world are the garments I drape around my true self; they are the soft cloths I swaddle my inner child in, to let her feel safe; they are my treasure map.

My transformation is my genius.

Realising that takes all the pressure off … I don’t need to “perform”, or “be productive”, or churn out work to “prove my worth”.

I am worthy, just as I am.

My transformation and evolution as a human is my birthright.

I was born worthy of doing this work.

You’ve been on a journey to return to the truth of this creative life force inside you – to not only find but EMBRACE your true nature and to allow yourself to FULLY ARRIVE in this world. Hayley Curtis

And that is exactly what this Gene Keys work feels like to me. I’d been journaling and doing the inner work for 25 years before I arrived in Hayley’s world and started working on my Golden Path with her. I had done a lot of excavating of old wounds; I had forged new paths into my own psyche. I had changed. I had written myself out of bad situations and relationships. I had written myself into a new story, where I cared for myself, where I put my needs first, where I stopped playing the victim and started feeling more like the lead character in this play. The last two and a half years of working with my Gene Keys, of travelling my Golden Path, not once, but twice (I’ve actually made the journey through my Activation three times!), have uncovered more and more of my true nature. And the amazing thing is, I LOVE my true nature! I love myself. That is arrival! When I can stand naked before myself and feel real love for this woman I am becoming, then I know I am arriving at the home all these paths have been leading to.

And I deliberately used the present tense … I am arriving! It is an arrival that doesn’t stop. I may feel as if I am finally being the woman I was born to be, but the work doesn’t stop! I know there is more for me to discover. I know there are more layers to peel back, more masks to strip away.

The spiral path deep into myself has me arriving every single day.

I mean, there are 51 Gene Keys that aren’t in my chart that I still get to explore (after I’ve done the Star Pearl, naturally!!). There’s so much more to find, now that I have fully arrived in this world!

You can hear Meghan and I talk about Remembering, and the different ways we are incorporating remembering into our lifestyle … like with stories and images, as I’ve done here … in Episode 11 of Conversations With A Couple Of Crones, Remembering … and Forgetting.

You can read and listen to Meghan’s stories of her Activation and Venus Sequences in her article The Art of Vibrational Frequency: A Visual Story.