A Travel Essay from the Inner Journey

The first week or so of being in my EQ sphere in the Sage’s Golden Path Retreat has been so illuminating (pun entirely intended!! The Siddhi of my EQ Gene Key 64 is Illumination!). I am learning so much about Gene Key 64 and my Line 5. I am learning so much about the EQ sphere.

Going through the Golden Path this time around, with the added layers of meaning being introduced and expanded upon by this glorious Sage wisdom, has been so different from the two previous times that I have walked this path.

Even though that initial, gut-wrenching, holy-shit-I’m-in-my-Shadow-here reality that one feels when one steps into a new Gene Key and sphere has been very present, with the new Sage wisdom that goes along with each Gene Key, a lightness has enveloped me. There has been a buoyancy to this Sage wisdom that is lifting me and taking me soaring to new heights.

Life is certainly dishing me up a full helping of Confusion at the moment, but this first week in the EQ, instead of falling headlong into the mire of figuring out this Shadow, has instead seen me relishing and bathing in the Sage wisdom, which is so new, but also feels entirely natural and oh so familiar.

My two previous essays, The Seeds of Tomorrow and My Words are Flowers, were all about the Sage word … Starseed, and the Sutra … “We, the children, are the sowers of stars …”.

In this essay, I’d like to tell you about the wisdom and mythos behind these delicious words and poetry.

The Contemplation … Play and Create!!

This Gene Key invites me, in the most tender way, “to go out in the world of form and to play and create, as gods”. That’s pretty huge, is it not?! Me? A god?! There is that tricky idea of divinity again. Can I embrace it even from my earthbound place of being an ordinary, mundane human? I can, if I let my imagination play with the idea! I can, if I let go of my limiting beliefs about myself.

If I am to go forth in the world, and play and create as a god, then I must be the most benevolent god I can be. I must not think I am above anyone else. I must not believe I am better than anyone else, or that I should be allowed this privilege while others are not. The thing to note here is that this is spoken to all humanity.

We are here on this earth to play and create. Yes, there is work; yes, there is hardship. But inside every human heart beats the heart of the child who still wants to play and create. Even in the hardest circumstances, humans create art. One could argue that in times of struggle, small acts of creativity are what feeds the human spirit and gives it the emotional energy to go on.

And this does not have to be great art. It could be a page written in a journal. It could be a small piece of art journaling. It could be a meal cooked for a loved one, or a garden tended. It could be a smile and a kind word to someone serving you as you do your shopping. It could be a kind act, never seen or acknowledged.

We are Woven from Light

We are woven from light, and the stars are our origin and our eventual flowering.

The Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

If I were to take nothing else from the Gene Keys teachings but this statement … We are woven from light, and the stars are our origin and our eventual flowering … then I would have enough wisdom to contemplate for the rest of my life. Imagine the changes I would make in my everyday, mundane life, if I believed I was woven from light. Imagine feeling that in my body … that every single cell is part of an intricate weave of cloth made entirely from light. Imagine believing that even in those dark parts of myself, where the hurt and the anger and the pain infiltrate, all around those darker emotions are warps and wefts of light, holding me, even when I’m caught in those dark clefts.

What a different way to feel about myself.

And the only thing standing between me and that vision for myself is my own self-belief. Will I fall into this light-filled world of my Imagination, or will I cower on the edge, afraid to make the leap? Oh, I am really seeing the connection here between Gene Key 64 and Gene Key 48. Working with Imagination as the unknown is so familiar after all the work I have done with GK48 and its well of the unknown.

The stars are our origin; those stars that delight you and fill you with wonder, they are the same stars that birthed you. You are made of star stuff; your light is the light of the stars. So, even when you feel afraid and lost in the dark, you can know that your own starlight will guide you home.

Your own being is made from star matter. And when you flower as a human, all those small flowerings of understanding yourself, all those cornucopiae of insight and understanding will shine like starlight.

We are the children of the stars. We are meant to shine.

“We are Pregnant with Siddhis”

There is a statement in the Sage’s Golden Path Retreat notes for the Gene Key 64.5 that says, “We are pregnant with Siddhis”, and to me, that is a truly beautiful state for one to attain and aspire to. The Siddhis are the 64 words for love; they are the pinnacles of potential that we all wish to attain.

My own Siddhis in my Golden Path are the most delicious flavours of love …

Liberation, Honour, Valour, Wisdom, Impeccability,

Purity, Illumination, Freedom, Romance, Humility,

Universal Love, Awakening

What ideals to be pregnant with! What noble goals to hold.

To be pregnant with these Siddhis is to hold the seeds of a wonderful life inside me. It is to hold the seeds of a tomorrow that will see all people living in love, free from the Shadow patterns of victimhood and fear. We would be so in love with life and with ourselves, that we would want all people to live in this state of grace and honour.

If I were to see myself as pregnant with my Siddhis, then I would indeed be bursting with compassion for all; I would be pouring love on all.

That sentence about the Siddhis, goes on to say, “as our compassion explodes, so too does our final flowering as creators.”

For me this creativity is always about creating something beautiful. Creativity is always about bringing something new into the world that makes the world a better place, whether that is writing, or making a handbound book, taking photographs or creating laughter, making my home warm and welcoming or creating a space where someone feels safe to tell their truths.

My flowering as a creator is to bring joy and beauty into my every thought and deed.

The Mythos

Your destiny is a large one. It is up to you how large.

Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

I want this to be true; oh, I so want my destiny to be a large one. This doesn’t mean I want to be out there on the world stage, being noticed by millions. Destiny is not about fame.

When I say that I want my destiny to be a large one, I mean that I want my life to have meaning. I want to have an impact on people’s lives. I want my words to open doors and allow people to see how amazing they are. I want people to look on my life and think, I can do that, I can heal my wounds, I can stop being a victim, I can be the author of my own life.

I want to be an unblocker of joy pipes. I want people to feel love oozing from my very pores.

I want my life to be all about love. I want my life to be always about bringing love into every situation. I want to return non-love with love. I want to emit love.

Oh, how I LOVE love!

I may not have experienced true love until later in life, but I am steeped in the stuff now!! I am surrounded by love. I am soaked in love. I have so much love in my life, and I so want that for everyone.  So, I can bear to bring as much love as there possibly can be. I mean, I have Universal Love in my chart, after all. I want this love of life that I feel to be felt by everyone.

How much suffering do you truly wish to heal in this world?

Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

If I could, I would heal all of it. If I could, I would show everyone there is a way to heal all of our suffering … and that is the way of LOVE! I would show everyone that deep, compassionate, all-encompassing self-love is the way to begin. Infinite patience and understanding with yourself. Gentleness. Kindness. Care.

I can’t heal anyone else’s suffering, but I can open a door into my own; I can open a door into how I am healing myself. I can show people it is possible … keep doing the work, deep going deeper. I can tell them to keep asking themselves the questions …

What would love do in this situation?

How can I love myself more?

How can I open my heart more?

How can I return non-love with love?

If I could just encourage more people to do this work, then I could make a difference to the amount of suffering that could be healed. I wish I could heal all of my suffering and then let that healing wash out into the collective.

I Can Move Mountains in this Life

The Sage wisdom for this GK64.5 says that I can move mountains in this life, and I know this to be true.

A few years ago, I would have thought that moving an actual mountain would have been easier than healing the pain my relationship with my mum inflicted on me. But here I am, feeling forgiveness and compassion for her. Do I still feel sad at how broken our relationship was for so long? Yes. But do I still carry the wound like an open sore in my heart? No. That is just one of the mountains I’ve moved.

Two, three, four decades ago, I would have believed that moving a mountain would have been easier than loving myself. Yet here I am, soaking in a sea of self-love. Here I am with not one drop of the self-loathing I used to feel left in me.

Here I am, I am a woman standing in my own power, with the heavy cloak of victimhood shucked from my shoulders.

I have moved mountains.

You can move mountains in this life. You just have to dream it, and then you must transform all the lower beliefs that will try and talk you out of it.

Sage’s Golden Path Retreat

What are the mountains I want to move? What are the dreams I want to birth into the world?

To live a creative life.

To write.

To share my words with the world.

To fill books with my words, then put them in the hands of other women so that they might see an opening door into their own healing.

I have so many lower beliefs that try to talk me out of doing this. I have so many false beliefs that whisper in my inner ear of my inadequacy … “Your writing is trite, banal, who’d ever want to publish it?” … “Who would want to read anything you have to say?”

And of course, the voice that just whispers, “You’re not enough”. Not good enough, not wise enough, not creative enough, not interesting enough, not impactful enough.

These lower beliefs will try to push me back into the glass box and keep me there. It’s not always that they’re being mean, though sometimes it feels like I do set out to sabotage and hurt myself. No. Mostly these lower beliefs are simply terrified that I’ll be hurt, terrified that I’ll be abused or provoked, terrified I’ll be ignored or derided. And so, they want to push me back into the box to protect me and keep me safe.

But I don’t need protection any more. I’m safe. My open heart and my love are protection enough.

I just have to “dream it” … well, that is easy, for I have the Gift of Imagination here in my EQ, I am well versed in the art of dreaming.

I can dream of writing books. I can imagine what those books will be like. I can dream of touching lives with my stories. I can imagine a life where I spread my healing to others.

I can dream of my expansive life, where creativity is central to that life; where creativity fills my days and hours; and I can dream of a life where I make my living from my creativity.

I can imagine it in vivid detail … my bindery where I make journals; my studio where I create prints; my desk where I write books.

I am dreaming of this creative life all the time. I am conjuring it in my imagination. A life that is all creativity. And I know I can move mountains to make it happen.

Look at the mountains I moved to come this far. Twenty years ago, I would never have believed I could possibly live the life I live now, full of love and connection and so much creativity. Thirty years ago, I would have thought you cruel to say that I would one day be living this life, the very life of my dreams. Yet here I am, living my dream life, and dreaming big about the next phase of this life.

Carrying a High Ideal

There is a passage in the Mythos for my EQ Sage word about losing one’s innate high ideals in the doubts and confusion and in the “miasmas of young adulthood”, and when I read it, it made me cry. I was a child of such incredible imagination. With no TV and no people in close vicinity on the farm where I lived, my solitary childhood was filled with imaginative play.

The farm I grew up on was my queendom. I ruled there. I created fantastical worlds there. My imagination was fuelled by my brother’s books … Tolkien, Asimov, Dick … they painted pictures in my head, and I took those pictures and created a world for myself. I was so creative with my imagination as a child. I was so wild and free and felt myself full of magic.

That miasma of young adulthood was not just the blinding fog of hormones and teenage angst; it was the black cloud of loss and grief. It was the black hole of abandonment and neglect. No wonder that magical freethinker that I used to be was swallowed by it. No wonder I lost sight of my Imagination and myself. No wonder I lost sight of that high ideal.

My high ideal was to use my Imagination to create books and stories. Even before I understood the importance of sharing our words and our stories, I knew that’s what I wanted to do.

My ideal now is even higher, for now I know that I must be of some service in the world if my life is to be of meaning. So, my words must have the power to touch other people. My words must be maps, compasses, keys, sextants … all the instruments of wayfarers seeking home. That is my high ideal now. To lay a trail of breadcrumbs, to carve a map and arrows into the earth, to plant cairns of words that mark the path.

My ideal now is to be a cartographer of the inner plains. I want to show people that there are maps … there are my words, there are the Gene Keys, there is the guidance of people like Hayley, Meghan, Lizzie, Samantha … I want to show people that they can collect what they need and set off on their own inner journey. Their journey home to themselves.

I am Capable of Miracles

When I read the instruction … “Recapture it (my high ideal, my Gift of Imagination), sing out with it, and believe yourself capable of the miraculous”, I was literally filled with glee!

That is exactly what I’m doing with our website, with these essays, with our Podcast. I am singing out with this Imagination of mine. I am sharing my ideal. I am unrolling my own map and revelling in how far I have come, and I am excited for the unknown territories that lie before me and inside me.

I want to sing out with the wonder of it all. I want to believe I am capable of the miraculous. I want to recapture the wild imagination of my child self, whose world knew no boundaries, who stepped into the unknown of her own imagination every day.

I know that I must never give in to the doubts that assail me. I must let them flow through me. Letting doubts flow through me is a daily practice for me now. Of course doubts come up, of course fear arises. But I know myself so well now. I know that, yes, I do have all those Shadows in me, but I also have all the Gifts.

When doubt takes the form of a Provocation, I can bring my joyful Dynamism to it and find a way to dance and flow around the Provocation.

When doubt takes the form of Struggle, I can remember the Perseverance and commitment and devotion that brought me here to this life that I love.

When doubt takes the form of a panicked need to Control the situation, I can relax into the knowledge that I am the author of my own life.

When doubt wears that familiar yoke of Inadequacy, I can delve into my magical backpack of Resourcefulness and find a tool, a support, a word, to melt the yoke from my shoulders.

And when doubt is cloaked in the tattered rags of Confusion, I can use the magic wand of my Imagination to transform my ragged clothing into a shimmering cloak of all the blues there are, made from cloth that is sown with sparkling stars, and which lights the very path I walk.

Ah, I have this delicious image of this powerful woman wearing her star cloak, carrying her magical bag that holds the book of her life and the map she can follow, dancing along a path of golden stones, never giving up, never doubting her next step, laughing when she trips over her own feet and loving every single step of the journey.

Most of the photographs I’ve used in this essay feature the Scottish mountains of my youth. The photographs were all taken on a trip there a few years ago, when I took my husband to visit some of my favourite places. The last three photos were taken on trips to Wales and Shropshire. You can see more of my photographs on my Flickr page.